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Fish caught, family seeks revenge
by Kris on 4/29/2004 (0)

This is the last known photo of Phil Smith, taken shortly before his death at the hands of a fish.
Authorities plan to drain a New Jersey lake after an angler caught a five-pound bass, the same type of non-threatening fish that inhabits numerous lakes across the entire United States.

State officials said the 10-inch fish, a common species found in freshwater lakes, poses no threats to the other fish and plant life in the pond.

“While the bass poses no immediate threat to it’s environment, we feel that his family may be angry at his removal from the lake and plan some sort of vigilante justice,” says local DNR office Rodney Rhodes. “The bass have the technology to develop weapons of mass destruction and we feel they would not be afraid to use them.”

“The bass in that lake run in a tough crowd,” said a local police officer. “They’re not going to be forgiving about this incident.”

The lake, just north of Taneytown, New Jersey, feeds a tributary of the Bass River, which empties into the Other Bass River.

State biologists used electric shocks Wednesday to try to get a rise out of any other bass, but were unsuccessful.

“They’re tough,” said Rhodes. “Maybe even a little too tough.”

Wire mesh has been placed over a pipe that leads out of the lake to prevent the bass from recruiting allies from neighboring lakes to their cause. Plans to drain the lake could begin as early as Monday, officials said.

“If we drain the lake, we can catch the fish,” says Rhodes.

The caught fish is believed to be about five years old, but how long it was in the lake and what sort of street credit it has gained is not known, says Bob Hopper, specialist in the field of Man/Fish warfare.

Hopper said the state considers this a serious threat to its citizens because a school of pissed of fish can be more dangerous than nuclear wars, robots, and Tom Arnold combined!

In the summer of 2001, a fisherman and his son caught four bass out of a nearby lake. A week later, they were found dead, stuffed full of worms and covered in fishing hooks. $50 and a lamp were also missing from their residence located on the Other Bass River. Police found no evidence of a break in, but they came to the conclusion that the fish had entered the home thru an underground river that had previously been undiscovered and has since gone missing.

Later that same week, the waters of the Other Bass River unexplainably rose and completely destroyed the town, leaving not a single person alive to recall the terrifying ordeal.

“It was awful, the water just kept rising and rising,” says one survivor. “We could see the fish in the river, they were mad, they were out for blood.”

That episode prompted the state to pass a law forbidding the removal of bass from the Bass River, the Other Bass River, all their tributaries, and any pond or lake they feed unless the fisherman could either conceal their identity or eliminate all family and friends of the fish they had removed.

Apparently the angler that removed the fish was from out of town and did not realize the regulations regarding the Bass Rivers despite the numerous posted signs and the weekly public television program “Don’t fish in the


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