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Subliminal Messages Found in 'White Christmas'
by Mel S. on 5/2/2004 (0)

Bing Crosby: Musician, legend, scary apparition.
I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas. Those harmless words were sung by Bing Crosby, and since that day the song was recorded, it's made millions and millions of dollars in royalties to his rich family who really who don't need the cash. But what seemed like a harmless Christmas song has now been proved to be something much worse...

Andrew Keller, Christmas enthusiast, was listening to the song on his record player when he accidentally pushed a button that played the record in reverse. To his shock, a demonic voice appeared where the lyrics once were.

"It was creepy...It was Bing's voice, but instead of singing, he was talking in a demonic voice and saying stuff like 'I am Hellface!', and 'Thy lord is Satan, worship him!'. It was very disturbing," Andrew explained, a look of fear in his eyes.

But if that wasn't bad enough, the song affected Andrew while he was sleeping. "I had this dream one night, where I was swimming in the ocean with these dolphins. Suddenly, Bing Crosby leapt out of the water, ate one of the dolphins, and then screamed at me 'Soap is hell!'. I didn't know what it meant, but it was very terrifying."

With Andrew's life being taken over by the fear of Bing Crosby, he was forced to quit his job as roller derby champion and move to Mexico, where Bing Crosby wasn't famous. But the nightmares still haunted his every sleep, and there was only one way for him to stop them.

"I figured that if I sued Bing's family for a lot of money, I would be so rich that I wouldn't get nightmares," Andrew said about the lawsuit. "Rich people dream about swimming in their money, like Scrooge McDuck, not about evil Bing Crosby's."

But the trial never started as Andrew suddenly dropped the charges when he says he got a message not to go ahead with the trial. "I was in my kitchen making some goulash when the ghost of Bing Crosby suddenly appeared in front of me, brandishing a knife. He said if I went to trial, he'd take pictures of him peeing on me while I was sleeping. I have a very low tolerance for urine on my face, so I decided not to go to trial."

Andrew says the nightmares are becoming less frequent, but says the visions of Crosby still haunt him. "On a stormy night, when I'm all alone, I can see him...watching me with his beady eyes, a huge machete in his hands. Bing Crosby... what an evil, evil man..."


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