Bigfoot to be Democratic delegate
on 5/18/2004 (0)
New Hampshire Democrats have chosen the missing link, Bigfoot, to be an at-large delegate for the Democratic National Convention scheduled in Boston later this summer. This marks the first time a non-human has been selected since Kansas selected a small black dog named Toto in the 1940’s.
|Coming soon to a Democratic convension near you. |
“There have been numerous Bigfoot sightings at Democratic events this year. It seems obvious that he is very interested in our politics and has many quality traits to bring to the table,” said John Dash, spokesman for the mythical creature branch of the Democratic Party and husband of the famous Mrs. Dash.
The mythical creature branch of the Democratic Party has represented such creatures as the Yeti, Chupacabra, Uncle Fester, and the Lock Ness Monster in their bids for political office, though only the Lock Ness Monster has been successfully elected.
Bigfoot, also known as the Sasquatch, has been spotted for years all across North America and has been considered the “missing link” between man and ape.
Many feel that after roaming the woods for years with little to no human contact, Bigfoot has amassed numerous political views that fall along the lines of the typical Democratic view, which is why he would make an ideal delegate.
Bigfoot was officially named Friday as one of the many delegates from New Hampshire for the July 26-29 convention, where Senator John Kerry is expected to be nominated as the party’s candidate for president.
“We welcome all delegates, whether they are man, ape, or something in-between,” said Kathy Roeder, spokeswoman for the Kerry campaign and avid Sasquatch hunter.
“We feel that this stint as a delegate could be stepping stone to a higher office for Bigfoot, either for Governor of New Hampshire or a position in the House or Senate,” said Dash.
State Republicans claim Democrats sank to a new low by naming Bigfoot as a delegate.
“They’re just trying to win the conspiracy theorist and animal rights vote,” claims Republican Senator Trent Lott. “Bigfoot has no place in politics, he should be in a laboratory where he can be studied and where his organs can be harvested, not on the political scene scaring the crap out of me.”
Bigfoot could not be located for comment on this issue, though witness reports have placed him in the nearby woodso0" style="display:none">
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