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Man buys new swimsuit for summer
by Kris on 5/28/2004 (0)

What a lovely day for a teaparty!
As summer begins, local 22 year old Gordy Jenkins has just purchased a brand new swimsuit from the local clothing store ‘Cheap Clothes!!!’. Gordy had considered purchasing a suit from nearby competitor ‘Overpriced Clothes!!!’ but opted for a better deal at the former.

“It was on sale for $20,” he claims. It was, we later confirmed.

Every summer, Gordy likes to purchase a new swimsuit, presumably to look good for the ladies and to provide a much-needed boost to his self esteem.

“The old ones get faded after a year of use,” he said. “Plus it feels good to wear something nice and new, and it helps with my crippling depression.”

“Gordy has a lot of problems,” said Dr. Jack Von Dough. Von Dough has been the physiatrist that has treated Gordy for the past seven years, helping him through his bitter feuds with anorexia, depression, glue sniffing, and a strange fascination, almost obsession, with lawnmowers.

“If it is wrong to love a lawnmower, then I don’t want to be right,” Gordy once claimed.

The swimsuit that Gordy purchased was orange with a flower design running down each side.

“They may be flowers, but they are manly flowers,” said ‘Cheap Clothes!!!’ store manager Jeff Belding. “Nothing says ‘ripping phonebooks in half’ like a good set of flowers. Also, I believe the Bruce Willis character in Die Hard was actually based off of a flower, and he was uber-manly.”

Gordy’s parents are reportedly very proud of the purchase.

“It’s a big step for Gordy,” said his father, Jordy Jenkins. “My boy is becoming a man.”

“I’m just glad he didn’t buy another lawnmower,” said his mother, Lordy Jenkins. “This shows that he has finally moved on… and we were running out of room for all the mowers in the garage.”

Now that he has a new swimsuit, Gordy intends on spending numerous days at the beach, taking in the sun and hopefully acquiring the interest of a special lady or two.

“Girls dig a guy who dresses nice, and nothing is nicer than a brand new suit,” said Gordy. “Plus the new suit will catch the girls eyes and keep them from looking at my face, which most women find to be a turnoff due to the huge Spiderman tattoo that covers it.”h="0"<0" hei

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