Johnny B. Bald VS. The Gas Station Clerk
on 7/23/2002 (5)
Life isn’t easy. And it’s especially not easy when you are an overweight bald man in an urban city. These are the true life stories of one such man. One such man who has chosen to quit taking all the abuse and stand up for the rights of the common bald, overweight man!
Today’s adventure begins at a common American gas station. John is attempting to fill up the gas tank of his 72 Pinto with no luck. Frustrated and balding, John decides that enough is enough and enters the gas station. From the rear cooler, he grabs a selection of his favorite soda. He opens it and takes a drink. Then he patiently waits in line. Finally the clerk looks to John.
Clerk: Will that be it for today sir?
Johnny: Well, I did want some god damn gas, but your pumps don’t work.
Clerk: I’m sorry sir, those are Pay before you Pump only.
Johnny: Is that because I am bald?
Clerk: Nothing of the sort sir, it is like that for everyone.
Johnny: So you don’t deny that I am in fact, bald?
Clerk: It’s not my place to judge sir.
Johnny: Just answer the damn question.
Clerk: No need to raise your voice sir. Let’s not make a scene of this.
Johnny: Oh, I’ll make a scene of this if I want to. You don’t control me. Just because you have a thick, full head of hair doesn’t make you any better than I am! I’m a person too. I have feelings too. I’m sick of your kind looking down on us. One of these days, I swear to god, I will make you all pay.
Clerk: Sir, please calm down.
Johnny: Once again with your commands. I’m sick of your type telling the bald man what to do. People like you make me sick.
Clerk: Sir, I think you should leave.
Johnny: Oh, now your store is too good for the bald man? I didn’t see a sign anywhere that said Hair Club Members only!
Clerk: You clearly are angry Sir. I think perhaps you should take a “Time out” and gather yourself.
Johnny: I’ll give you a time out, right in your teeth. You have no right to tell me what I can and cannot do. You work in a gas station? A fricken gas station! You should be taking orders from me!
Clerk: Sir, if you don’t leave now, I will be forced to call the authorities.
Johnny: Yeah, call them down here. I’ll tell them exactly how you are discriminating against me because I am bald. Then they’ll probably shoot you dead, right between the eyes.
Clerk: I’m sorry you think that way, but ensure you, I have made no such discrimination against you.
Johnny: Oh yeah, sure. What will they think when I tell them you wouldn’t sell me gas because I was bald? I’m feeling a little light headed too. Did you put poison in this pop? I bet you did. You’re trying to kill me. Rid the earth of the inferior you say. You’re just as bad as that Hitler fellow.
Clerk: I did not try to poison you. And you must pay before you pump the gas.
Johnny: Pay what? Pay my dues? You want to ridicule and belittle me before you let me get any gas? Is that how it works? Let you make a fool of me and then I can have my gas, probably at twice the cost anyone else pays? Maybe you want to cane me first? Maybe I should drop my pants so you can kick me right in the ass.
Clerk: Are you on drugs sir?
Johnny: Oh yes, because I am bald I must be a heroine addict right? Perhaps I am one of those crack babies you hear so much about? I’m sorry, but just because<
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