Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires. Buick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 states. Cadillac Eldorado - I am a very good Mary Kay salesman. Cadillac Seville - I am a pimp. Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating up people. Chevrolet Chevette - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette. Chevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisis. Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well. Dodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get this car. Ford Mustang - I slow down to 85 in school zones. Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them. Geo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the Fall. Geo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the Fall. Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit. Infiniti Q45 - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending. Isuzu Impulse - I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports. Jaguar XJ6 - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year. Lincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers. Mercedes 500SL - I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph. Mercedes 560SEL - I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole. Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an 18-wheeler. MGB - I am dating a mechanic. Nissan 300ZX - I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings. Peugeot 505 Diesel - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List. Plymouth Neon - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena. Pontiac Trans AM - I have a switchblade in my sock. Porsche 944 - I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me. Rolls Royce Silver Shadow - I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal. Toyota Camry - I am still in the closet. Volkswagon Beetle - I still watch Partridge Family reruns. Volkswagon Cabriolet - I am out of the closet. Volkswagon Microbus - I am tripping right now. Volvo 740 Wagon - I am frightened of my wife.