Boogieman proclaims ‘Camping is great’
on 7/8/2004 (0)
For years, the Boogieman has hidden in closets and under beds, striking fear deep into the hearts of unsuspecting children and high school nerds. Now he has left his traditional local and entered into the forests of America, not to scare though, simply to camp… and scare.
|How'd you like to run into this guy in the woods? |
“I’ve been living in closets and under beds for a long time,” said the Boogieman. “You don’t have any idea how boring that can get until you’ve done it for thousands of years.”
The Boogieman reportedly visited a closet recently that was full of camping gear and various outdoor magazines. This spurred his interest in wildlife and camping.
“I saw what the outside world was like, and it was better than anything I had seen before,” he said. “As much as I enjoy dust bunnies, I’ve always wanted to eat a real bunny. Now I will finally have that chance.”
A few days after discovering the outdoors, the Boogieman left his dark dwellings and entered into the wilderness for the first time. He reportedly found a spot in northern Virginia and setup a campsite, complete with a tent, campfire, and a ten-foot tall replica of Satan himself.
“It was wonderful, there were trees and bushes and flowers and a bear eating a small child!” he proclaimed. “There is nothing like the roar of a campfire or the smell of a beer-soaked bear as it ravages your tent while you hide in a nearby tree. Camping is great!”
This move by the Boogieman leaves a gapping hole in the closet monster scene. The Boogieman accounts for nearly 70% of unexplainable bedroom terrors, far ahead of competitors like ghosts, vampires, and Michael Jackson.
“When I was growing up, I always feared going to bed at night,” said one concerned parent. “I used this fear to explain my chronic bedwetting that haunted me until my mid 30’s. Now what will others like me have to blame it on?”
“Going to bed shouldn’t be about peace and tranquility,” said another parent. “It needs to be about an intense fear that you may not make it through the night.”
Children seemed more optimistic about the change than their parental counterparts.
“I haven’t had a good night sleep since I was 8,” said one friendless, bucktoothed child. “Now I will finally be able to sleep well and have wonderful dreams about not growing up to be a complete disappointment like my drunk of a father.”
| "There is nothing like the roar of a campfire or the smell of a beer-soaked bear as it ravages your tent while you hide in a nearby tree. Camping is great!" |
|- Boogieman, Fictional terror. |
“I don’t like the Boogieman,” said another. “He’s a big meany head.”
Whether or not this is just a temporary vacation or a permanent stay remains a mystery, even unknown to the Boogieman himself.
“I’m just going to take this one day at a time,” said the Boogieman. “I’m not go
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