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Dad bans 129 Music Styles From Home Computer
by Mark on 7/17/2004 (0)

Josh Groban? Like HELL Josh Groban!
In an aggressive censuring campaign, Erie, PA, Dad Russel Heinz has blocked 129 music styles from the family computer.

"I'm doing this for my daughter Leah, and as far as I'm concerned, there's no debate about it. When I was a teen, all you needed was a Beatle's album and a nickle bag, period."

When asked which styles he targeted, Heinz produced a long list

"Where do I start...absolutely NO Hip-Hop, Rap, Chuck D's top 20, Rock the vote, 2pac tribute or WPGC, and absolutely NONE of that Techno, Machine, Industrial, Factory, work out songs, Trance, Eclectic XL, Bollywood, Celtic, Europop or Klezmer crap either...

Heinz licked his fingers and took a sip of water

I also forbid Alternative music of any kind, including 80's, 90's, Blues, Rock, Country, Dance, James, Latin or Pop, as well as any of the Indies, including New Indie, Indie Rock, Indie Rock Girls, Indie Rock Mix all the way up to, and especially including, Gothic, Relaxtrac, Melancholia and Josh Groban live.

Heinz grew even more serious. You could almost hear the hairs on his head split.

"And NO Pop of any kind, meaning Top Pop, Top Pop jr., Pop Mix, Pop Rock, 90's Pop, 80's Pop, and grudgingly, 70's pop. All Country of all types too, meaning Outlaw, Rockabilly, Americana, Folk and Bluegrass. And that's not even half of them. Am I being unreasonable? The answer to that of course is no. I am not being unreasonable."

When asked exactly what type of music he allows at home, Heinz raised his eyebrows dangerously

"Like I said, The Beatles and a nickle bag. Got any rolling papers, by the way?"

Heinz also plans to handpick Leah's car, college and clothing as well. Leah could not be located for comment./tds/go.php?si


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