When Doves Attack
on 7/26/2002 (4)
The year is 1973. The time is approximately 2:30 PM. The location is the peaceful town of RatherLarge, North Dakota. A soft breeze blows through the town. The town folk go about their business as if it was just another day. But what they didn't know is that this seemingly ordinary day was not so ordinary after all. Five hundred yards away, the US government was testing a new secret weapon. Unfortunately for the town folk of RatherLarge, North Dakota, they were testing this secret weapon on them. The town folk looked to the sky as they saw a white object headed towards their town. No one was quite sure what it was, until it was too late. As it got closer, the object began to break into many smaller objects. The town folk realized that this was not a single object, but many smaller objects flying closely together. They assumed it was some sort of massive migration, the likes of which they had never seen before. They did not realize the true nature of this migration until it was far, far too late. By now, it was obvious that this was a large group of white birds. They descended into town, to the amazement of the town's inhabitants. And, even more to their amazement, these birds began to viciously attack the people of the town. In a matter of minutes, the town was left decimated. Not a single person was left alive. The test had been successful. Attack Doves had arrived.
|Friendly Fowl, or man made killing machine?|
The history of using birds to kill has long been documented. As early back as the middle ages, knights used swallows to peck out the eyes of dragons while they thrust their might broadswords into the dragon's heart. Ghengis Khan had his own trained pigeons, which he used to destroy over four hundred small villages before their rain of terror was stopped by an unfortunate gun powder accident. In fact, Khan actually caused more havoc with the birds than his armies ever did, though this fact is often hidden to protect the fragile egos of man. Some historians even go so far as speculating that the birds ran the armies, not Ghengis Khan! Stalin also used a wide variety of birds as assassins to take out his greatest foes and secure his power in Mother Russia. Perhaps the greatest show of the true nature of birds came in the 1963 documentary entitled "The Birds". This documentary showed a pack of blood thirsty birds attacking a town, leaving nothing but death in their wake.
|Scene from the 1963 documentary "The Birds".|
In the mists of the Vietnam War and the impending Cold War with Russia, the US government looked for alternate means of weaponry. After discovering historical documents detailing just how vicious birds could be, it was a logical choice for the new weapon. And what better weapon than the bird that was universally known as a bringer of peace, the Dove. The US government now began visiting pet stores all across the United States and Canada, buying up all Doves that they could find. Upon acquiring these birds, they were equipped with short range air to ground missiles, two Vickers 4.5" in a Mk6 turret, and anti-lock brakes. Each bird was put on a stringent diet of raw meat, steroids, and small children. These Doves grew to be nearly 300 pounds and had a wingspan of over twelve feet long. Scientists feed a chemical into their brains that left them with only two urges in life. To kill, and to kill. They were the ultimate killing machines. Capable of flight speeds breaking the sound barr
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