Visit from Mudmen leaves home dirty
on 8/2/2004 (0)
From high atop of Mount Gorg, Mudmen have continually harassed the small town of Jefferson, New Jersey. Mud has been thrown onto the townspeople, landslides have killed hundreds, and countless children have been eaten.
|They're here, and they're dirty. Get used to it. |
“The Mudmen have been a terrible plague on our small town for years,” said one local townfolk. “They’re more feared than that moldy stuff that builds up on your bathroom tiles and Celine Deon combined!”
Despite the less than friendly history between them, the Willis family recently invited the Mudmen into their home.
“The Mudmen have been terrorizing our town for years,” said Susan Willis, loving wife and full time homemaker. “We just wanted to show them that humans are good people and that we could live together in peace without eating each other’s offspring. But things went terribly wrong.”
The plan was to invite the Mudmen into their home and show them a good time, appealing to their compassionate side and perhaps finally putting an end to the feud between man and mudman. Unfortunately good intentions don’t always make for good results.
“It started off bad right from the get go,” said Tom Willis, understanding husband and part-time woman. “The conversation was pretty weak, all the Mudmen did was talk about their leader Gorg and make a lot of grunting noises. I don’t think they appreciated the food either, they seemed more interested in my son Todd.”
“Gorg crush humans,” said Gorg. “Gorg eat children.”
As the Mudmen entered the home and sat on the furniture, they left a mess of sand, gravel, and water. Much of the furniture and floor were caked in as much as three inches of mud, far exceeding the average mud/furniture index.
“Who would have thought Mudmen would leave such a mess,” questioned Susan. “It was like a bad episode of that TV show where they cover homes with mud then burn them to the ground to collect the insurance money.”
The Mudman stayed at the Willis home for approximately four hours, eating (dinner, not children), drinking, and talking about Gorg. When they left, the Willis’s spent the next eight hours cleaning.
“Mud was everywhere,” said Tom. “I’ve never seen such a mess. And worse still, they didn’t even offer to help clean it up.”
| "Gorg crush humans. Gorg eat children." |
|- Gorg, Leader of the Mudmen. |
While the Willis’s were able to clean up much of their home, one leather sofa had to be replaced. A bill for the replacement was sent to Mount Gorg, but no reply has been made. The Willis’s dog was also reported missing, though it’s collar (covered in mud) was found at the edge of the yard.
No return visit for the Mudmen has been planned, nor is likely.
“We took them in on good faith,” said Susan. “They took advantage of us and left our home in shambles. All the children they may eat cannot ju
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