Square VS Circle
on 7/30/2002 (7)
Since the beginning of time, an eternal struggle has raged between Square and Circle. The Square is a mighty one, with it's straight sides and almost undaunting relentlessness. The circle is an equal advisary, with it's greater area and it's aerodynamic characteristics. Both are very dissimilar, but at the same time share a common goal of destroying the other. Only time can tell who the true winner of this battle will be.
|"Only time can tell who the true winner of this battle will be"|
Supporters of the Square feel that the Square clearly will be the winner. "I support the Square and feel that the Square clearly will be the winner," said one Squaroid. "I mean, come on, circles suck! It's hip to be square!" Hateful comments like this are not uncommon in this battle. "I hate Circles," said another Squaroid, "They're so stupid. If I wanted round edges, I'd get a ball. There is no need for circles in today's society. What has a circle ever done for me? Has a circle mowed my lawn? How about walked my dog? Maybe even did my taxes? Hell no, circles are god damn lazy pieces of trash! The only thing I hate more than circles is the government!" And it doesn't end there. "One time, I was going to visit my sick mother in the hospital. And bam, out of no where, this circle comes down and starts smacking me around. I'm like, hey bro, stop smacking me around, I'm going to go see my sick mother in the hospital. But he's like, make me. And I'm like, I will. And he's like, so do it. So I'm like, I will. Then I punched that damn circle and it started crying and I laughed and laughed. Or was that a little kid I punched? I dunno... it might have been a circle."
Supporters of the Circle are equally as hateful towards their mortal nemesis. "What's up with all those sharp edges? Those could put an eye out," said one local Circle-Popper. "Squares think they are so great. They really have this superiority complex going on. I've never seen anyone so hung up on themselves. It's always, I'm so great this, I'm so great that. Well what about me? Does the Square care about me? No, all the square cares about is himself and his condo in Tahiti!" Another had this to say... "Shit man, those Squares come down to my joint all the time and bust up the place. They hassle me and my dogs. They don't like animals, you know? They say's theys dumb and I'm dumb and they aren't dumb. Then they get up in my face and are like, hey dumby, how'd you get so dumb? What am I supposed to do? I hit those damn Squares with my baseball bat until their brains are all over the walls then. Sure I'm serving 30 to life for aggravated assault with intent to kill, but shit man, those squares leave me alone now. They know who's the boss... and let me tell you, it's not Tony Danza."
In the modern age we now live in, many scientists have taken to predicting a winner through, of all things, science. "Judging from the hypotenuse of the square when compared to the distance from Pluto, we can logically conclude based on the theory of reciprocal identities that while the Square has the advantage based on it's inverse of the derivative of the square root of the moon, the circle has the upper hand when it comes to the abstract of the summation of the circumference of Neptune to the power of sixty!" We here at Smooth Operator have no idea what that means, but it undoubtedly is something very profound that sheds new light onto this pressing issue.
Based on all the facts available, it is hard to pick a clear cut winner in this situation. Both sides have advantages and both have disadvantages, which were clearly explained in detail in the above paragraphs and which are apparent to even the simplest of minds. A typical concluding paragra
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