Stray Tiger Woods drive clobbers boy, boy ecstatic
on 8/21/2004 (10)
AKRON,OH -13 year old Matt Popelka held a icy raspberry slurpy to the throbbing, golf ball sized welt on his forehead.
|"Yay! I just got clobbered by Tiger Woods!" |
"I-I just got clobbered by Tiger Woods!"
Popelka gleefully bubbled amidst moans and groans
As it went, a flubbed Woods iron shot at the Akron, Ohio Firestone golf tournament drifted errantly into the gallery, pelting Popelka mid forehead. The obviously shaken and concerned Woods gave the boy his golf glove and an autographed golf ball in a genuine and heartfelt act of material appeasement.
Matt held the ball and glove up to a Channel 3 reporter, repeating "I-I just got clobbered by Tiger Woods! Yay!!"
Popelka's mom, Karen, added
"Matt is so happy! It's like a dream come true! He not only got to meet his hero Tiger Woods, he got an autographed golf ball, Tiger's own golf glove and plus he even got clobbered too!"
In a similiar event, A blistering Barry Bonds foul ball nailed 19 year old San Francisco giants fan Ron Forslynd in the upper arm, leaving a baseball sized hematoma on his right bicep, complete with stitching marks
"This totally kicks ass, dude! I not only got a Barry Bonds foul ball, I've got a massive bruise to prove it! I can't wait to show my brother Donny! He won't even believe it, man!"
Attorney/Psychologist Sandra Miller offered a possible explanation of why under very precise circumstances, people are willing to accept potentially serious bodily injury for a seeming mere pittance in exchange
"My analysis is that some victims are willing to overlook personal injury if the injury involves aquiring status. Certainly, a golf glove or baseball is not adequate compensation for any type of injury, let alone such potentially serious ones as those mentioned here. But the status gained from having a personal brush with a famous sports figure seems to overide that. Compensation is a relative term."
Miller cautions that the phenomena does not work with all sports figures
"Look at Mike Tyson. No one was thrilled to get the crap kicked out of them by him in those road rage assault cases. In terms of relative satisfactory compensation, a broken jaw from Mike Tyson is not as valuable as a welt from Tiger Woods"
Matt Popelka eagerly concurs
"I really hope that this bump on my head lasts until school starts! I'll really get the babes this year, for sure!"
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