Smooth Operator - Man eats way too much tropical fruit, nearly dissolves

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Man eats way too much tropical fruit, nearly dissolves

by Mark on 8/26/2004 (0)

Livin' on sponge cake, watchin' the sun bake.

SAN BERNARDINO, CA -Self avowed spiritual healist and homeopathic enthusiast Ed Lemmers nearly dissolves into a lump of gelatinous protoplasm after eating copious amounts of tropical fruit

Lemmers recalls from his San Bernardino apartment

"I got this crazy idea to eat a diet consisting strictly of tropical fruits, namely pineapple, papaya, mango and starfruit. I wasn't aware of the dangers involved."

Lemmers primary care physician Dr. Veejay Mystry observed

"It's well known that tropical fruits contain certain potentially dangerous chemicals such as acids and enzymes that act as anti-coagulants, especially the pineapple and papaya, but I've never had a patient who tried to live off of them. It's a very odd case."

Lemmers was reportedly "A fruit cup away" from decomposing into a boneless, foamy blob of rose-hued goo.

"I'm glad I caught it in time. From now on, it's nothing harder than kiwi fruit or unsweetened cranberry juice for me."

Dr. Mystry did point out that Lemmer's vitamin C serum level was "excellent"on

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