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Amish pray for rain, God complies
by Mark on 8/28/2004 (0)

MIDDLEFIELD, OH -Mennonite brother Hezekiah Weems, spoke before a normally packed congregation this Sunday


The Amish: Leauge high prayer percentage leaders
"Today the skies have opened, and heaven has poured precious rain down upon our parched corn and squash. We thank thee lord, for answering our prayer for rain. We art thou humble servant, and bow before thee in praise and devotion."

Indeed, the Amish Mennonites are current all time record holders for 'prayer percentage', recently converting just over 89 percent of prayers into reality. The former record holders, the Catholics, have declined from an all time high of 87 percent during the John the Baptist days, to a little over 51 percent today, probably due to accusations of child abuse within the church.

Religious analyst Suzanne Christian reflects with obvious awe

"The Amish are on top at this time. We've seen a major decline in prayer conversion percentage among Islamists and Jews, probably due to violence in the Middle East, and a slight increase among American Indians and Tibet Buddhists, probably due to the oppressed underdog factor. The balance of the major religions, including fringe cults, have remained about the same."

Christian also reported a slight increase in miracles in the Amish community as well, up to 2.14 miracles per 1000 per annum from 1.98 a year ago.

"We're not sure why, but we are beginning to believe that God is starting to hate those who embrace technology."

Riding a wave of divine good fortune, Brother Weems silently asked in prayer for 60 days of clear sky this winter, a bushel of good corn broom straw, and a Ford Excursion Explorer mini-van./tds/


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