Windows XP SP2 a deliberate attack on Smthop.com
on 9/1/2004 (4)
Internet giant Smthop.com, highly regarded as the single greatest website since TastesLikeChicken.com, has recently claimed that the latest service upgrade by Microsoft to Windows XP is costing them millions of dollars and is a deliberate attempt to harm their site.
|Parties like these at the Smthop.com offices will be over if Microsoft has anything to say about it. |
“When someone visits our site, they are typically greeted with thirty to forty pop-up ads,” said site founder and long time Styx fan Kris Steele. “And should a user make the mistake of trying to close any of these pop-ups, the total number of pop-ups will raise tenfold.”
These pop-ups, advertising things such as aide to starving Nigerian bankers and free boots with the purchase of $500 of merchandise at the GAP, bring in as much as five cents per pop-up.
“On a good day, we will make upwards of $500,000 from these pop-ups,” said Kris. “Each pop-up is only a little bit of money in my pocket, but multiply that by millions and it’s a lot of money.”
The release of Service Pack 2 for Windows XP contains a built-in pop-up blocker, which will prevent users from seeing the many pop-up ads that allow sites such as Smthop.com to thrive.
“By blocking pop-ups, Microsoft is essentially cutting our main source of income,” said Kris. Current estimates places pop-up ads accounting for 75% of Smthop.com’s revenue, with another 15% coming from pyramid schemes, 5% from T-shirt sales, and the final 5% coming from an illegal underground mole fighting league. “You haven’t lived until you’ve seen two small insectivorous mammals of the family Talpidae fight to the death with blowtorches and spear guns,” claimed Kris.
Since it’s inception over two years ago, Smthop.com has reported numerous stories about Microsoft, detailing their plans to purchase the moon, their firing of the Ghost of Christmas Past, and Bill Gate’s unexpected new growth.
Many insiders feel that the new pop-up blocker is a deliberate attempt to harm Smthop.com.
“Smthop.com has built its site by taking shots at Microsoft,” said one unnamed source in Microsoft. “They should have known that a giant, soulless company with aspirations of total world domination would not stand for such behavior.”
The animosity between the two factions escalated at a recent party for fabulously rich people that drive solid gold cars. After a heated exchange of words, witnesses say Kris threw a cocktail wiener at Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft, and then pushed him off a balcony into a pool full of fine wine. Gates was later described to be “very angry” and “covered in wine”.