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Hurricanes in Florida caused by Weather Machine
by Kris on 9/14/2004 (1)

"And if you talk into this thing, it will cause toads to rain from the sky in Toronto!"
In the past few weeks, multiple hurricanes have battered the state of Florida, prompting mass evacuations of the area and causing widespread damages. While many scientists initially felt that these hurricanes occurring so close to one another was simply a coincidence, new theories have stated otherwise.

“The hurricanes have been caused by a weather machine,” said Burger Hut drive-thru manager Todd Wesley. “It’s just like in the episode of Commander Awesome when Doctor Apocalypse created the weather machine to try and destroy the world’s crop of soy.”

In that particular comic adventure, Doctor Apocalypse created a weather machine out of an old Volkswagen Microbus and was attempting to flood the soy fields of the world. Fortunately our hero, Commander Awesome, was able to defeat Doctor Apocalypse and save the world from tyranny once again.

“The concept of the weather machine is simple,” said Dr. Thomas Waysmart, professor at MIT. “It’s a machine that controls the weather.”

A weather machine works by using sophisticated lasers coupled with giant diamonds, found only in the darkest of jungles in the most booby trapped of caves. The lasers are then able to manipulate the sky at a subatomic level, allowing the user of the weather machine to create any desired affect on the weather he or she may choose.

“In the right hands, a weather machine could allow increased growing seasons for crops, better weather for tourist resorts, and finally rid the world of those pesky icecaps,” said Waysmart. “In the wrong hands, it could mean colder winters, shorter summers, or even worse.”

Even worse could include things such as hurricanes causing massive devastation to coastland regions, tornados that tear apart communities, or cold weather that could destroy Columbia’s precious cocaine plantations.

“A world without cocaine is no world for me,” said Waysmart.

“I agree,” agreed Wesley.

There is currently no direct evidence pointing to who is using the weather machine and why they are attacking. This has lead to rampant speculation, much of it even more ridiculous than the premise of this very article.

“Florida has smited Nebraska for too many years,” said Nebraska man Jim Dandy. “Our government finally had enough of their humid weather and precious tourist industry. Now with Florida out of the way, everyone will come to Nebraska to see our corn and enjoy our moderate climate!”

“It’s the first step in an alien invasion,” said another. “First they clear the coastland of resistance, then they attack!”

"It’s just like in the episode of Commander Awesome when Doctor Apocalypse created the weather machine to try and destroy the world’s crop of soy."
- Todd Wesley.
Achne faced fast food worker.
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Comments

1. by Shoeless Darth Vader on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
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