Alien Life Found in Back of Fridge Behind the Ketchup
on 9/30/2004 (0)
Long has man searched the galaxy for proof that he is not alone. Early pioneers like Christopher Columbus and James T. Kirk ventured far and wide for signs of otherworldly life. And yet through all the searching, no such proof could be found. It seemed that man might be alone after all. That was until Jim Storm was searching his refrigerator for a missing burrito and made what may be the single greatest discovery ever discovered in the history of discovery.
|Hey there little fellow, don't be scared, all we want to do is poke you with giant needles. |
“I was determined to find that burrito,” said Storm. “I knew it had to be in there somewhere, but it just couldn’t find it.”
Storm searched frantically for his missing dinner, his stomach rumbling all the while. Hunger gripped Storm in a terrible half nelson of pain, threatening to figuratively rip his shoulders from their respective sockets. He searched the front door. Not there. He checked the crisper and meat drawers. Not there. Little hope remained and Storm began to prepare for the worst.
“I was so hungry, I started to think about eating my shoe,” said Storm.
Then, a last glimmer of hope.
“I saw the ketchup in the way back of the fridge, and I realized that there was more than enough room for a burrito behind there,” said Storm. “I knew that’s where it had to be, I knew it must have crawled back there.”
Rather than finding a delicious dinner treat though, Storm was started to find the first conclusive proof that we are not alone in the Universe.
“I grabbed what I thought was my burrito, but it bit me,” said Storm. “After the initial paranoia that burritos were finally fighting back against their wicked masters, I took a look at what I had in my hand and realized it was far from a burrito.”
What Storm held was a small, green creature approximately 6 inches tall. It had a proportionately large head and two large, black eyes. It had thin arms and legs, “just like Ally McBeal star Calista Flockhart” he later described.
“Once I saw what I had grabbed, I was immediately fairly certain that this might not be a burrito” said Storm.
Storm took the creature from his fridge and brought it to the local comic book store, where all the nerds in town hung out to play Dungeons and Dragons and argue which is the lamer super hero, Aquaman or George Clooney’s portrayal of Batman.
“I had no idea what it was, so I took it to the only people that I thought might know,” said Storm.
The nerds immediately identified the creature as a Green Alien from the planet Varcon 6.
“This is a tremendous find,” said Norman Finkelstein, one of the nerds. “Muldor [X-Files] searched for alien life for years, and now we have found it! I can’t wait to tell my Internet girlfriend!”
“It is very amazing,” said Norman’s Internet girlfriend, supermodel Christy Turlington.
Green Aliens are typically docile creatures, though if provoked, for instance by smashing them with a ball peen hammer, they are capable of using their tiny alien death rays to reduce man into a fine powder. They are known to prefer cool climates with abundant food, which is likely why this alien was found in Storm’s fridge.
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