My Daddy’s a Ninja: The Truth About Ninja Adoption
on 10/27/2004 (2)
In a small suburban town outside of Allenhurst, Pennsylvania, Todd and Tori Nolan are the proud parents of two adopted boys- eight year old Prescott and six year old Geoffrey- both students at the Paul Revere Middle School.
|It's a ninja family photo! |
Since their attendance at the school began, Todd and Tori have worried about the negative consequences facing their children about their membership to a ninja clan. Tori Nolan commented to us on dealing with derogatory remarks at her workplace from non-ninjas: “While making Xerox copies in the office one day, a secretary smirked and asked me why I carry a knife in my sock.” Tori then went on to say that her main concern lies in the hope that her adopted children do not face the same hate-speech rhetoric from their fellow students.
While researchers estimate that the total number of children nationwide living with at least one Ninja parent ranges from 6 to 14 million, there is still little sign of conservative America accepting the issue of Ninja adoption. Researchers also proclaim a lack of evidence indicating that children in custody of black belt parents are less intelligent or more susceptible to using daggers in problem solving situations.
Bruce Matthews, president of the non-profit group Ninjas For Practicing Good Parenting (NFPGP), offers an explanation on the subject of non-ninja parent hostility in his book “Hi-Ya! Karate Chopping the Stereotypes of Ninja Adoption”:
Non-Ninja parents show a sincere concern for the adopted children of Ninjas, aside from feeling compelled to teach their own children about the issues of karate at a very young age. While no evidence indicates the likeliness of Ninja adoptees learning the practices of karate or kung-fu anymore so than the children adopted by non-ninja parents, there is a clash of norms on the grounds of what conservative non-ninjas have considered acceptable since America’s inception. On a positive note, not every non-ninja parent feels this way, in fact, we are seeing a growing number of non-ninjas enlisting their children in karate classes. From the other side of the moral spectrum are groups like American Men Assembling for the Call Against Ninja Adoption (AMACANA), the National Right to Ban Ninjas (NRBN), Moms Who Think Ninjas Are Bad (MWTNAB) and Everyone Thinks You Should Go To Hell You Ninja Bastards (ETYSGTHYNB). “Our Founding Fathers would turn in their graves if they saw what level of morale we were bringing upon the raising of our young. This country was built on Judeo-Christian values for a reason, and its exclusion of Ninjas in the Bill of Rights was certainly intentional,” says Marshall Hollandsworth, member of MWTNAB and a monthly contributor to the non-ninja slanted journal, Soaring Eagle.
However, there is no evidence to indicate from Hollandsworth that children in custody of black belt parents are less intelligent, or more prone to solving problems with daggers. The truth is to be seen by America’s non-ninja parents that children of Ninja parents can grow up just as happy, healthy and well-adjusted as children of non-ninja parents. What Ninja parents do in the privacy of their own bedrooms should not be an issue, rather what moral viewpoints they are raising their children with.
There is also no connection between Ninjas and pedophilia. All of the legitimate scientific evidence shows this. Sexual orientation, whether heterosexual or homosexual, is an adult Ninja attraction to each other. Pedophilia, on the other hand, is an adult sexual attraction to children. Ninety eight percent of child
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