on 8/13/2002 (5)
In the fourteen years since Smooth Operator single handedly invented the Internet and ushered in the Information Age, we've received literally trillions of questions from our loyal views. Out of all those hundreds of trillions of questions, one is asked far more often than any other... "When will Smooth Operator have their own brand of beverage?" Well folks, that time is now, Smooth O has arrived.
|"He left his Bishop open! Take his Bishop!"|
Scientist here at the SO labs have spent the last seven years developing what they think will be the ultimate in refreshing beveragosity. "This will be what I think is the ultimate in refreshing beveragosity," one scientist was quoted as saying. No expense has been spared in developing this most excellent of drinks. Development of Smooth O began seven years ago when we sent our group of scientists on a year long bender. They were given unlimited funds to travel the world, see the sites, and, most importantly, drink the drinks. When they returned they brought back knowledge off all the greatest drinks from across the world, and possibly the worst hangovers ever. After a week of recovery, they began on their twisted creation, the likes of which could only be created by the most twisted and evil of minds.
"We found that alcohol was overly popular with the 12 to 60 age group, so we decided that our drink would have to have as much or more alcohol as the current strongest drink on the market." Using a technique pioneered by a tribe of rebel fisherman robots living on the east bank of the Nile, Smooth O uses a highly volatile concentration of alcohol that allows Smooth O to have as much alcohol in a single ounce of liquid as Ted Kennedy has in his entire body! A side effects of this high concentration of alcohol allows drinkers of Smooth O to feel good about themselves, become stupid and clumsy, fall for temptations, and see through solid brick walls.
|"If your parents didn't want you to drink, then why do they have all that alcohol in their closet?"|
"We also found that people enjoyed drinks that had fruit in them. But most of these drinks only had one or two fruits, four fruits tops. We thought we could do one better with Smooth O." And one better we did. Each bottle of Smooth O contains a combination of thirty-eight different fruits, from banana to pear to raspberry to the lesser known fruits such as coccoberry, crunchberry, and potato and everything in-between. "We wanted even more fruit than any other drink could possibly ever have. Thus for Smooth O, we actually invented some new fruits specifically for this drink." These new fruits were made by splicing DNA from Moon rocks with that of assorted fruity flavors, thus creating a race of super fruits that will someday surely rule us all. The scientists, being huge fans of zeppelin disasters, named all the fruits after zeppelin disasters; the R 34-berry, the Roma-berry, the French Dixmude-berry, and their wicked master, the Hindenberry.
"Somewhat shockingly, we discovered that people today enjoy massive amounts of sugar in their drinks." Not only is Smooth O the highest concentrated source of sugar ever, the acctual bottle of Smooth O is made out of a rare translucent form of sugar only found in the United States, Mexico, and sixteen countries in southern America! This assures that no matter what, Smooth O is always at or above it's maximum sugar content. As an added bonus, average drinkers of Smoo
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