D.C. Man taking advantage of forlorn liberal women
on 11/3/2004 (0)
WASHINGTON - John a.k.a "smooth operator" Petty turns a Kerry loss into a romantic victory
|"It's o.k. sweety, I'm not like other men. I'm a Democrat from South Dakota!" |
A frightfull moan could be heard all over Washington moments after John Kerry announced the crushing end of his agonizing, ill-fated presidential bid. Soft mournfull sobbing, terrifying screams of denial and a drowning deluge of mascara, salty tears and broken dreams could be seen and heard from atop the highest monument to the lowest District of Columbia back alley crap game.
Petty, greasing back his hair in the reflection of a Washington street Chinese gift shop window, explains
"The overwhelming sweep by the Republicans in the presidency, house and senate has left the streets of America littered with deflated, strung out, single liberal women in a state of emotional shock. Let's just say I'm here to lend a helping hand and a shoulder to cry on...if you know what I mean.
Indeed, Petty is not the only Capitol Street Romeo shrewdly taking advantage of the aftermath of Election 2004. Droves of single liberal women, shocked and stunned at an obvious, and nearly complete loss of power and representation, have been reduced to a state of emotional vulnerability, making them easy marks for "sensitive" men seeking a quickie D.C. shag.
The phenonema is quite common. Studies have shown that some of the most successful marriages were born of disaster, where the couple met under extremely stressful circumstances, such as being held hostage by gunman or surviving a natural disaster. When both men and women are under extreme stress or percieved disenfranchisement from power, they instinctively seek out the emotional solace and physical warmth of one another for support and comfort.
Petty dropped his comb in a back pocket, slicked his burns one last time and popped a tic-tac
"I'm sending flowers to G.W. for making it all possible. Four more in 2008!"0" he
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