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World Angered by America's Calling Code
by Kris on 11/10/2004 (0)

Dial J for jealous!
For years, Americans have effortlessly called across the country by simply dialing 1 plus the number.

"It's so easy," said John Shelly from Idiot, North Dakota. "I can't put on my own pants, but I can use a phone."

"It's true, I dress him every day," confirmed John's wife Steve.

While Americans smile at the ease they can make long distance calls across the country and back to the U.S. when traveling abroad, the rest of the world grows more and more angry.

"Every time I have to dial a 7 to get my native Uzbekistan, I get so angry," said one native Uzbekistani. "I hate American's so much."

"For every stupid American dialing with ease that I see, your country shall die a thousand times," screamed my Muslim Terrorist neighbor Jeff.

While somehow America got the coveted "Number One" designation, the rest of the world plays second fiddle.

"We very good country," said Saltsjöbaden native Jaque McChicken. "Yet we saddled with dialing 8, all the way at the bottom of the phone. What America do that Saltsjöbaden did not do?"

Some countries are even worse off than Saltsjöbaden. Take Easter Island for instance.

"We Easter Islanders must dial a total of fourteen different numbers, all to the tune of 'Row, row, row your boat' in order to make any calls," said one Easter Island man. "It is quite a hassle, especially for those of us that are no more than giant stone heads."

History says America wasn't always number one.

"England used to be reached with a simple dial of the number one," said historian Greg Thompson. "Then in the fourth century the King of America recruited the Vikings to steal the number and bring it back to America, all for ten dollars and a PlayStation 2."

"Vikings love PlayStation 2, I wouldn't doubt that story at all" said current Viking Randy Moss.

Numerous countries are currently lobbying to remove America from their number one spot and "stick it to them" in the words of Wayne Gretzky, King of Canada.

"I didn't take control of Canada in a bloody coupe that progressed slowly over 20 NHL seasons to sit idly by while Americans dial their one digit to make calls," said a clearly angry Gretzky. "One day, Americans will have to dial three to twenty-seven digits just like the rest of us.""0" style=0" style


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