Rise of the Machines
on 8/15/2002 (1)
In a not so distant past, often referred to by scholars as 1984, a group of thirteen ex-Canadian Military officers assembled in a desolate laboratory in the Canadian village of Monarch, Canada. This group was to be known as the Dirty Baker's Dozen (DBD). The DBD had left the military of Canada, citing that their military did not get the respect that they deserved. Their intentions... revolutionize the Canadian military into the world's premiere super power... and to sell lots of Girl Scout cookies... but mostly to revolutionize the Canadian military into the world's premiere super power! To do this, the DBD enlisted the young prodigy Edward Von Doodlesnapper. Doodlesnapper was a brilliant young man, but this was to be the first true test of his skills. Instructed by the DBD, Doodlesnapper was to construct an army of Canadian Binary Robots. These Canadian Binary Robots (CBRs) were to become the elite fighting force of the world. They would be stronger and more deadly than any mortal man ever would be. And due to their binary nature (1s and 0s), they would be easily controlled by the DBD. They would not feel the moral issues that a man would. They would not question orders. They would be the perfect warriors.
|The Dirty Baker's Dozen|
This was all in theory. Unfortunately, the execution of this plan was flawed. Doodlesnapper was a mathematical genius, but his knowledge of binary was incomplete. Most of his younger years had been spent studying decimal and octal. He struggled each day with the programming of the CBRs, confusing ones with zeros, zeros with ones, and occasionally ones with twos. The CBRs were mechanically finished, but were stumbling over simple tasks such as tying their shoes, driving tanks, and laying waste to enemy cities. The Dirty Baker's Dozen became frustrated as their target implementation date slipper further and further away and their dreams of a Canadian Super Army began to fade away. They gave Doodlesnapper an ultimatum... meet the next target date or else. Faced with the possibility of "else", Doodlesnapper was finally able to making big strides in the development of the CBRs. The CBRs became capable of mass destruction. In a test demonstration, the CBRs were assembled into teams and they lay waste to the village of Monarch, all using raw binary power, power the likes of which has never been seen before. Not a soul survived what is often considered the bloodiest massacre in Canadian history. And this is where the fairytale story ends. Under the ceaseless pressure of developing the Canadian Binary Robots, Doodlesnapper snapped. He began programming all sorts of crazy goals into the CBRs, goals such as promoting hybrid cars, making Jell-O pudding illegal, and, worst of all, making the metric system standard in America.
|The only known photo of Edward Von Doodlesnapper|
The DBD realized far too late of the affliction that had stricken Doodlesnapper. The DBD had a planned demonstration for the Canadian government and could not put it off anymore. The Canadian government had already been patient toward the DBD, but had said no more, either show them the Binar
|Artists rendition of what a Canadian Binary Robot may look like.|
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