David Bowie Revealed to be Son of God
In a shocking interview, David Bowie, the artist behind such classics as ‘Space Oddity’ and ‘Let’s Dance’, has told a reporter that he is the Second Coming of Christ, and has known since his last major album, Heathen.
|Not exactly the image most people see when they think of Christ returning to Earth. |
“Actually,” he said to the interviewer, “I knew ages before that. I just didn’t realize it.” When further pressed for information, he told a sordid tale of how he could hear a booming voice telling him he was the Savior of Mankind back when he was first starting off as a musician, but he thought it was an effect from all the drugs.
Bowie turned up for the interview dressed in a white robe with gold trimmings and several floodlights following him. This, however, barely turned the head of the interviewer, possibly because he is a blind paraplegic.
But how did he find out that he was the Savior of Mankind? Bowie was hard-pressed to reveal the details, but finally relented and told all. “I was at St. Paul’s Basilica, performing ‘1984’ for the Pope, when he said that I was the spitting image of Jesus. Naturally, I agreed, and the rest is history,” said Bowie.
After this ground-breaking interview, David Bowie later had a press meeting where he was asked several hard-hitting questions, including, “Why does God hate us?” and “Why can’t I play the banjo?” Bowie, being the subtle master of subtleness, answered both questions by singing the chorus of Golden Years.
One reporter asked if Ziggy Stardust, an alien who was sent to save the world and the main focus of one of Bowie’s albums, was just a subconscious facet to express his knowledge of his placing as the Second Coming. Bowie replied by saying, “What? Ziggy was based off an alien that lived in my garage during ‘Nam. Wanker.”
The reporter later killed himself, because David Bowie called him a wanker.
Other famous personalities who have claimed to be the Son of God included Kurt Cobain and Bob Saget, the latter of which is still disputing Bowie’s claim. “If he’s the son of God,” says the jealous and bitter Saget, “Then how come he wasn’t on Full House?!”?sid/tds/go.php?sid=1" w
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