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TATU Plays It Straight, No-One Cares
by Mark on 12/21/2004 (1)

All the things she said is buying me my bread
MOSCOW - "TATU" producer Ivan Shapovalov decides on "straight" new direction for the "lesbian" pop duo, results are still pending

Controversial TATU producer Ivan Shapovalov swirled a tumbler of Absolut vodka like Vladimir Ivanovich Lenin on the last minute of the last hour of the last day of Red October

"I make bold new gambit. The lesbian trick has gone too far. Public is sick and tired of seeing two scrawny looking pizda girls kissing on stage. I decide to give them strong boyfriends and make them straight. Should be very much hot and big!"

In Shapovalov's new scheme YULIA VOLKOVA and LENA KATINA are cast as heterosexual, and in an upcoming album, "Spring over Pripyat Marsh", Yulia and Lena are seen kissing real men, Russian drummers Aleksey Bykov and Mikhail Zhukov.

But public reaction across the entertainment world has so far been reserved, if not apathetic.

Moline, Illinois truck mechanic Billy Ray Murdock scoffed off Shapovalov's new idea for TATU

"Hell, the only dang thing I like about them two are the lesbian scenes. Same deal with Paris and Nicole. If I want bad disco music, I'll get my wife's old John Travolta records out. Ain't much of interest there for me anymore."

And that would seem to be the case. The lesbian gambit, whether real or contrived, is the key to TATU's success, along with more than a trifle of special digitized sound tracks and special vocal effects. Without their well worn 'lesbo' appeal, will TATU fall to the back bins and budget racks of CD merchant cases worldwide?

Shapivolov hopes not, nervously shaking his head

"Nyet, Nyet...I have many Rubles tied up in this idea. I am already at big loss and in deep shit over new project band called "NATO", and have no more money to lose. It MUST work, or I am broke."

When prodded with the inevitable question, if TATU were really lesbians or just a lucrative production trick, Shapivolov smiled sheepishly

"YOU try to get two 'normal' girls to kiss on stage, and I'll buy you a one-way first class Aeroflot ticket to Kamchatka Peninsula and a bottle of Stoli for the ride! Trust me, tovarish, you will need it!"


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Comments

1. by Elias on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
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