on 8/28/2002 (1)
Gene Roddenberry, Dustin Diamond, Danielle Steel, Olivia Newton-John, and Randy Moss. What do these people all have in common? They are all jerks of course! A jerk is very similar to an asshole, just slightly less derogatory. Jerks are known to make offensive comments and show a general disrespect to others for no in particular reason. Webster's dictionary defines a jerk as "a foolish, rude, or contemptible person". Jerks are a leading cause of problems in the US today. It is a proven fact that 90% of all fights are started because one participant is a jerk and 94% of all arguments are because one participant is a jerk. With numbers like these, it is not hard to see why controlling the population of jerks has become such an important issue today.
|Do not be fooled. This man is a jerk.|
The origins of jerks began with Sir Isaac Von Jerkenstien in the year 1732. Isaac studied hard in school and worked hard in his factory job afterward, but try as he might, he never could get as far in life as he wanted to. One day it dawned on him that fate was playing a cruel trick on him. Isaac realized that he would never get ahead in life and so decieded that since he could not live a better life, he would make other people's lives worse too. He spent the next year of his live talking back to people, picking fights, and generally being mean to everyone he met. Seeing how aggrivated that he could make others gave Isaac great joy. He decided that others should share in his goal of making everyone feel worse, so in 1842, he founded the International Assosiation of Jerks for the Belittlement of Others and their Dogs and Possibly Kittens (IAJBODPK). Nearly seven thousand years later, the IAJBODPK is the biggest Jerk organization in North America today. IAJBODPK has nearly 800 billion card carrying members who routinely spread their jerkosity to everyone around them. Over six other similar organizations have sprung up in the years since the founding of the IAJBODPK and countless other individual jerks are now spread accross the globe. The population of jerks has now spread from it's origins here in the USA to Canada, Mexico, and Bolivia and even accross the seas to Japan, Russia, and much of Europe!
|Artist's rendition of Sir Isaac Von Jerkenstien, founder of IAJBODPK.|
Scientific studies have shown that one out of every six people in the world is a jerk. This means that statistically, if you are in a room with five other people, one of you will in fact be a jerk. This is up from figures taken in 1984 where there was a 7 to 1 jerk ratio. Reasons for the increase in the number of jerks has been attributed to a more completive job market, the rise of Pokemon trading cards, and the Backstreet Boys. Of course, we are not sitting idly by while this staggering jerk population rises. Many controls have already been setup to nerf the increase of this horrible demographic. Many schools are now teaching a "Scared Straight" course that lets students experience first hand just how bad jerks can be. The students are left alone for a night in a creepy haunted house with four of the worst jerks ever known to man. After a night of teasing and taunting (and
|Scientific studies have shown that one out of every six people in the world is a jerk.|
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