Johnny B. Bald VS. The Gas Station Clerk part II
on 8/29/2002 (6)
Life isn’t easy. And it’s especially not easy when you are an overweight bald man in an urban city. These are the true life stories of one such man. One such man who has chosen to quit taking all the abuse and stand up for the rights of the common bald, overweight man! See part 1 of this epic right here. Read on for the conclusion of the great American story...
When we last left off, our hero Johnny was having a particularly not nice conversation with a gas station clerk over a misunderstanding about purchasing gasoline. The clerk called the police due to Johnny's angry demeanor. We join today's episode as two police men enter the gas station.
Clerk: Thank goodness you two have arrived. This gentleman has become very disgruntled and is, quite frankly, frightening me.
Policeman 1: Just calm down sir. What seems to be the problem?
Johnny: This man won't sell me gas because I am bald. And he called me a crack whore and threw some Twinkies at me, it was horrible!
Policeman 2: Is this true? Are you aware that such a practice is considered discriminatory and quite illegal, not to mention a waste of good food?
Clerk: I did no such thing! These pumps are pay before you pump, but Sherlock Holmes here couldn't figure it out.
Johnny: Sherlock Holmes?!? Is that some sort of bald street talk. See what I have had to put up with here?
Policeman 1: I do see. Sir, you cannot refuse to sell this man gas because he is bald, and that certainly gives you no right to throw food at him.
Clerk: I have done no such thing! I've simply been trying to explain that he must purchase the gas before he can pump it.
Johnny: By throwing food and making cracks at my baldness. It's already hard enough being an overweight bald man in an urban city, I shouldn't have to deal with this type of cruelty too!
Policeman 2: No you shouldn't. Would you like us to shoot him for you?
Policeman 1: I'm sorry, he's such a kidder. We can't shoot you right here in the store, we'd have to take you out back. We don't want any witnesses.
Clerk: You can't just shoot someone! I did nothing, I have rights you know.
Johnny: So does the bald man. But you've so chosen to ignore these rights so blatantly. I think you should be shot.
Policeman 1: I agree. There is no place for your kind in the American society.
Clerk: My kind?!?
Policeman 1: Yes, your kind. America is the land of the free. This man is bald, so what? We don't need you hate mongers praying on his unfortunate hair situation. I've seen plenty of scumbags in my days, but never anything as terrible as you. Don't you understand that he is a person too. Don't you see that he has feelings? Don't you see how much you have hurt him? Look at his tears.
Clerk: I never discriminated against him.
Policeman 2: But you wouldn't sell him gas?
Clerk: He has to pay before...
Policeman 1: Please sir, yes or no, would you sell the bald man gas?
Clerk: No, I wouldn't sell him gas.
Johnny: Why don't you tell him about how you made fun of my baldness too. Or when you called me a heroine addict and said my mother was a whore. Hell, why not tell them about when you tried to poison my pop with some sort of nerve agent.
Clerk: Those are lies. I never called you a heroine addict or tried to poison your pop.
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