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Library Accused of Being Prejudice Against the Illiterate
by Kris on 1/14/2005 (0)

I saw books, I saw card catalogs... don't make me relive it!
Shocking accusations by local illiterate John McJohnson against Waffle County Public Library has rocked the once innocent small town of Waffle City, New Mexico.

“Them there librarians hates me because I cannot read,” said John in an interview with the Waffle City Daily Yodeler. “I nevers did nothing to them, I just cames to learn and they unjustly prejudiced me.”

In the interview, John tells of numerous situations where he was forced to sit down, be quiet, and not run even though he was clearly not carrying scissors.

“Once, John was trying to tell a story to a fourth grade class about how made love to a midget prostitute when one librarian coldly told him to ‘be quiet’” said John’s lawyer, Steven Heckler. “They didn’t tell the man next to him who was quietly reading to ‘be quiet’, they went right after the guy that couldn’t read.”

Librarians at the Waffle County Public Library have stood their ground and denied any validity to these claims.

“We don’t hate John because he cannot read, we hate him because he burnt down our old library,” said librarian Susan Daniels.

“He claimed that the books were mocking him, so he doused a few racks with gasoline and lit the place up,” said librarian Jeff Hamster. “We lost six good librarians in the fire. Librarians with families, and books. Those can never be replaced.”

Librarian Don Wilson even questioned why John visited the library in the first place.

“He can’t read and he’s finished all the ‘Where’s Waldo’ books, all he does now is disturb the other patrons,” said Wilson. “He has no business being here, we are constantly having to deal with people complaining about him.”

John and his lawyer have brought their complaints against the library to the local county court system in search of justice. John is seeking $7 for emotional trauma inflicted by these incidents and wishes to have all the librarians that wronged him to be forever forbidden from reading again so they can “know my pain”.

“Just because Justice is blind doesn't mean she can't read,” said Heckler. “Illiteracy is not a crime, and yet John is constantly being punished for it by these small minded people. We intend to see to it that John and others like him are afforded the same rights as the rest of the literate world.”

A trial date to decide this case has been set for January 25th."0"0" style


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