Ford Selling All Terrain Armored Transports in 2006
on 2/2/2005 (0)
All Terrain Armored Transports (AT-ATs) gained popularity during the notorious Battle of Hoth and have since proved to be invaluable in galactic warfare.
|Four legs of rebel stomping terror. |
"The AT-AT is a versatile machine that we have used against countless traitors to the Empire," once said a gleeful Grand Moff Tarkin. "There is no greater feeling I get than crushing rebel scum with a huge four-legged walker."
Unfortunately these vehicles have been previously only available to members of the Imperial Army, and even then it wasn't cheap. The purchase price of an Imperial made AT-AT is said to be more than even the most fat and disgustingly rich Hutt can afford.
Fortunately, Ford Motor Company will soon put an end to this and bring AT-AT's to the consumer market at an affordable rate for the first time in the 2006 model year.
Once the AT-AT was exclusively manufactured at the Kuat Drive Yards, now Ford will also be making them at their plant in Dearborn, Michigan. Using the "assembly line", which founder Henry Ford patented hundreds of years ago, the AT-AT's will be mass produced at a reasonable price.
"Rebel spies were able to steal the plans from a secret Imperial location," said Bill Ford, CEO of Ford Motor Company. "Thanks to their bravery and our modern manufacturing processes, we here at Ford will soon sell the American consumer an affordable AT-AT."
The reason for bringing the AT-AT to the American market, besides it's obvious 'cool factor', is the recent trend of consumers purchasing continually bigger vehicles, often needed for such rigorous tasks as driving children to soccer practice and picking up groceries.
"Every day I have six kids to car pool, then dozens of bags of groceries to pick up," said local mom Sally Jenkins. "While my SUV is big enough to fit six full sized rhinoceroses, sometimes that just isn't enough."
"The public has spoken, and they are demanding larger vehicles than ever before," said Ford CEO Bill Ford. "Well, the All Terrain Armored Transport is the biggest vehicle of them all!"
One of the largest current generation of consumer vehicles, the H2 Hummer, is 203.6 inches long, 79.2 inches high, and weighs 6,400 pounds. An AT-AT is 20 meters long and stands 15 meters tall. It presumably weights hundreds of tons, though no exact weight data is available. Two H2 Hummers could actually be carried inside the belly of an AT-AT comfortably along with enough soldiers to raid a small rebel encampment.
Ford's AT-AT has been on display at numerous auto shows during the past year and has received widespread praise. Motor Trend magazine labeled the AT-AT the "Best Vehicle on Four Legs" and the New Order Monthly said it was "reason to believe the Empire may rise again".
Popular celebrities like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tiger Woods, and Spike Lee have all preordered the vehicle, along with thousands of other Americans.
"I think a giant walker that can crush anything in it's way is the perfect thing to get my golf game back on track," commented Tiger Woods.
While the AT-AT is slated to be available to consumers in early September, numerous transportation agencies are attempti
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