Man Speaking Against Molemen Killed by Police
on 2/4/2005 (0)
A frail Dr. Jacque Nimble told dozens of patrons at a local McDonalds Wednesday that the world must do a better job of eliminating the threat of molemen, less mankind be faced with years of backbreaking labor in a subterranean hell.
|Watch out lady, that moleman is after you! |
Dr. Nimble, former respected scientist turned Scientology buff, called for citizens to take arms (and guns) and drive molemen from their underground lairs where they have been plotting against mankind for so many years.
“Molemen are coming and they will soon ride through our streets on their death dragons, killing or enslaving our race,” proclaimed Dr. Nimble, wearing a wreath of garlic around his neck. “Molemen are hungry for human flesh, not words. I am proud to wear this garlic around my neck as a symbol of humanity’s united strength against their evil, and of my extreme fear of vampires.”
Supporting himself with an old umbrella and dressed in the finest of green leisure suits, Dr. Nimble made a passionate speech regarding molemen at the counter and then proceeded to order a Big Mac value meal with no pickles.
“Slave labor at the hands of molemen is a terrible scourge of our time,” he said, secret sauce dripping out the side of his mouth. “It ranks alongside great terrors like zombies, polio, and David Guest as one of the greatest evils of the current era.”
“In this new century, millions of people remain imprisoned, enslaved and in chains,” said Dr. Nimble. “They are forced to dig tunnels, to mine for precious spices, and to haul dirt in poorly constructed wheelbarrows, wheelbarrows that Bob Villa would be ashamed to use. It is time to set them free.”
As Nimble continued his tirade against molemen, two local police officers arrived on scene.
“We received a complaint that a madman was babbling about molemen,” said officer Dan Synder. “Initially we had thought it was just Luke Perry acting up again, but this was far worse.”
Thinking that the molemen had sent the police to silence him, Dr. Nimble threw his diet soda in their direction and made a dash for the door. Foreseeing him as a threat to clean dinning room floors everywhere, the two officers opened fire, dropping Dr. Nimble’s body only steps short of the exit in a pool of fries and blood. But mostly blood.
Yadu Pognog, the most famous of all escaped molemen captives, was deeply saddened by these tragic events.
“I suffered for years at the claws of molemen, I know first hand how horrible their rule is. It is a sad day when someone finally has the courage to stand up against their tyranny only to be gunned down in a fast food restaurant.”?sid=1"/tds/go.php?sid=1" w
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