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Review of Boogeyman
by Kris on 2/7/2005 (0)

Studio
Screen Gems

Release Date
Feb 04, 2005

Genre
Dance

Running Time
86 minutes

Waste of time
Yes

Number of vampires
0
Being the avid fan of old school dance that I am, Staying Alive and Grease rank as two of my all-time favorite movies, you can imagine my excitement when I heard that there was a new disco movie coming to theaters, Boogeyman.

Boogey was invented in 1967 as an effective method to rid one’s body of killer bees. Years later, the odd gyrations associated with boogey became one of the biggest dance crazes in all of America, sweeping across the nation faster than you could say ‘bubonic plague’.

But the 1980’s were a hard time for Boogey, as hair bands and communism drew the public’s attention and overshadowed the single greatest dance movement ever. Boogey, and soon disco, became nothing more than fond memories. But over a decade and a half later, the good people at Screen Gems have chosen to relive these glory days past with their opus Boogeyman.

While the premise seems like a sure winner, the execution is poorly done and the story strays far from its true boogey roots. There is a rich history of boogey that could have been drawn upon for this movie, but it was neglected in favor of a story that shouldn’t even be worthy of a direct to video release.

The movie opens with a bizarre scene that has little if anything to do with dance. Our main character, let’s call him Tom (I am unsure of this name, as I was too busy being completely disappointed in this movie to remember such a trivial thing as the main character’s name), is in his bed and fearful of various shadows in the room. His father enters in an attempt to put his fears to rest. Only instead of calming his child, the father enters the closet and performs one of the weirdest dance numbers ever, throwing his body this way and that in something that is more akin to being attacked by a supernatural being than any sort of dance I have ever seen. Needless to say, this would scare the crap out of any small child.

Flash forward ten years. Now you would think the memories of this horrible dance would motivate Tom into becoming the greatest ‘Boogeyman’ of all time, as the title of the movie suggests, but instead it just makes him fearful of closets. I am completely baffled as to this strange plot twist, which makes about as much sense to me as those people that put ketchup on their eggs. The obvious storyline, and most defiantly the better one, is all setup but instead Tom spends the majority of the rest of the movie being a whiney douche bag with an unnatural fear of closets.

Typically in dance movies, the film will end with a spectacular dance number. Staying Alive had it, Grease had it, and even West Side Story ended with a big dance. But rather than playing along with the tried and true method, Boogeyman has a strange sequence involving our hero teleporting from closet to closet. On one hand, you have to applaud Boogeyman for breaking new ground here, but you should also bitch slap it with the other hand because this ending makes no sense at all. It’s like the producers didn’t have the time or energy to do a dance number (or they had their heads so far up their asses) and they just said, “Well, we’ve got a lot of closets, let’s just do something wit


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