Future Burger King
on 9/10/2002 (1)
Burger King is undeniably the most popular of all fast food restaurants, excluding McDonald's, Wendy's, White Castle, and Dave's Burger Shack and Barn Dance. Yet they are not content to rest on their figurative laurels at the top, they are ever advancing their technologies to continue to be the best now and the best in the future. This is where Burger King's latest venture, Future Burger King (FBK), comes into play. Future Burger King will be like no other Burger King you have ever seen... for Future Burger King is essentially a glimpse into the future, a wondrous future where fast food is plentiful and every meal is super sized, and strange half camel, half buffalo creatures roam the great plains of the United States, laying waste to anyone and anything they come across with a powerful fire breath and laser beam eyes.
|Photograph of a sign in a Future Burger King, slated to be opened later this month. |
Perhaps the biggest difference between the current Burger King and Future Burger King will be the food. The current form of the restaurant forces you to eat large, messy meals of burgers, fries, and onion rings. At Future Burger King, this will no longer be an issue. Using a technique that we can only assume will be used for all future food and was stolen from a race of super-intelligent alien hamsters crossbred with a race of super-intelligent alien lobsters, the meals at Future Burger King have been reduced to pill form. Each meal has been concentrated and put into a pill no bigger than your everyday aspirin. This allows for a quick meal and easy cleanup, all while retaining the great taste of the meal and it's high nutritional content. And for those of you who are worried about losing taste from a lack of flame broiling and frying the various foods, worry not. Each pill is placed in a vat of hot grease and sent through the broiler, thus preserving the classic BK taste.
|Pills ahoy! Take a glimpse at the food of the future! |
Service will also be improved at Future Burger King. No longer will you be served by mere mortals. Instead, all customers of Future Burger King will be served by space age robots (from space) that know sixty different languages, are practiced in the art of water polo, and can shoot fire out of their eyelids. These robots will be three times as efficient as any human would be and they will be powered by old tennis shoes and porno magazines. You don't even have to worry about having to tell your order to the robots either, these robots will be capable of reading your mind so they will instantly know exactly what you want to eat. And since they are programmed with your bank account number, they can instantly transfer your funds for the meal, thus eliminating the need for waiting in long lines for food. Also, if we are ever attacked by space aliens, which we probably will be, the robots have a special "Space Invader" programming that will allow them to effectively destroy the alien spacecraft before they are able to reach our sweet burger paradise and steal our whopper technology.
There are also other numerous features in each Future Burger King t
|Official logo of Future Burger King. |
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