Missing Brain Found by Fisherman
on 2/15/2005 (2)
A small brain, lost by it's owner a month ago during a trip to the countryside, was found by a fisherman on the banks of a river where it had been forgotten.
|Use it, don't lose it. |
Audi Jefferson was preparing to spend the day on the river fishing for the elusive bluegill when he stumbled across Dr. Nolan Smith's long missing brain.
"It was sitting in some bushes near where the local kids go swimming," said Audi. "At first I thought it was a shaved beaver, but when it didn't move, I knew it had to be a brain."
Octagon County medical examiner Dr. Nathan Peters said the brain was definitely that of Dr. Nolan Smith. Audi brought the brain to Octagon County Hospital and they were able to make a positive identification using DNA evidence and a small metal tag on the brain that said 'Property of Dr. Nolan Smith.'
Dr. Smith, 64, recently retired from his position as lead x-ray tester at Bay View Medical Institute in West Virginia, had been vacationing near the countryside where he had grown up when he lost his brain.
Steve Wilson was driving his pickup truck home from a long day at the Handmade Stapler Factory when he spotted Dr. Smith stumbling alongside a desolate roadway. Remembering back to an incident of his youth where a kind stranger had given him a ride home after a hard night of gasoline huffing, Steve stopped and offered Dr. Smith a ride home. After a short time speaking with him, it was obvious that there was something wrong with the Doctor and Steve rushed him to the nearest hospital for treatment.
"He kept babbling something about Bush's great plan for economic reform, it just didn't make any sense," said Steve.
Doctors at Octagon County Hospital were quick to diagnose that Dr. Smith's "brain was missing" and that it had "probably been harvested by aliens".
Dr. Smith's family was contacted and they picked him up the next day. While Dr. Smith rested at home, his family continued the search for his brain.
"He just wasn't the same without his brain," said Dr. Smith's wife Tabitha. "It looked like him, but he acted more like our teenage son."
After a grueling nine hour search that spanned hundreds of feet, the family called off the brain search, claiming that if the search continued, "wolves would eat us all".
Weeks later, the family received the good news that the brain had been found and two days later FedEx delivered it to their doorstop. Upon inserting the brain back into Dr. Smith's head, he was able to recall the events that lead up to the loss of his brain.
"I wanted to go swimming, but I didn't want to get my brain wet," recalled Dr. Smith. "But I underestimated the value of my brain, as soon as I had removed it, I completely forgot what it was for and I kicked it into some bushes. Then I chased a butterfly into the woods and got lost."
While he has no regrets about his experience, Dr. Smith says it will be a long time before he removes his brain again.
"I got lucky that someone found my brain this time, but I don't think I want to chance it again," said Dr. Smith. "It was alright being a moron for a few weeks, but I'd rather not spend the rest of my life like that."
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