Shocking DMV Photo Makes Nevada Man Look Like Al-Zarqawi
on 3/6/2005 (3)
RENO, NV- A State Trooper pulled over Reno, Nevada web designer Kristofer Hasselbach, turned off his siren, and tapped on his Ford Explorer window like a strac jacketed Corporal Woody the Woodpecker
|Who's that man on your DL? |
"Can I see your driver's license, please?"
Hasselbach fumbled with his wallet apprehensively
"D-Do I have to, sir? I-I can't seem to get it out of the holder..."
The troop leaned on his holster, barking menacingly
"Can I see your driver's license NOW sir!"
Hasselbach groaned piteously, and dug away, way behind his Visa and Giant Buzzard bonus grocery card, being carefull not to glance down at the hideous photo contained within, a photo taken from the gates of hell, a photo from Lucifer's lense himself, a terrible, gangrenous, contagious photo forlorn of hope or pity, a Photo For The Ages...
Kristofer Hasselbach was not the only one.
All across America, DMV photos are turning American drivers into hideous monsters and thugs, a distant, perverse shadow of their true appearance, lodged firmly in their wallet or glove-box like a family shame, only to emerge for check cashing, employment verification and traffic stops before being thrust once more into the cool, impartial darkness, fleeing the light like the waning winter Arctic sun.
The trooper gawked at Hasselbach's photo, quickly radioed for backup, and drew his weapon
"Step out of the car, Mr. Zarqawi...NOW!!"
Protesting madly, Hasselbach threw his hands on the hood of his Explorer, wildly imploring
"B-But sir, that's not what I really look like! I have blond hair and blue eyes, for God's sakes!! I was hungover and I forgot to comb my hair! I was born in Cleveland! P-Please help!"
Unknown to Hasselbach, a similar course of events was simultaneously underway at the Reno, FBI HQ, where a fax of his license was being reviewed as a suspect in the latest string of ATM holdups in nearby Washoe County.
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