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Satan's Cellphone Hacked, Unholy Allegiances Made Public
by Andy Leeds on 3/31/2005 (0)

Apologetic.
What do loose moraled socialite Paris Hilton and Satan have in common? Both have suffered the indignities of having their cellphones hacked. Now seemingly common practice in the world of fame and fortune, nothing is more embarrassing than having your phone book plastered all over the internet. Often the shock is not who is in the book but more who isn't.

While Paris was humble and bizarrely chose to apologize for being hacked, Satan was a little more animated.

"Those motherfuckers, what a fucking screw job. I'll tear those bastards a new asshole when I get hold of them, their suffering will be legendary even in hell."

Later the foul mouthed fallen one seemed reflective, "ah shit, I knew I should I have backed those up, every number I had was on that fucking phone."

Foul-mouthed.
As the list hit Bittorent servers worldwide (the worlds most popular method of stealing media), eyebrows were raised and a few questions were answered.

Glitter star Mariah Carey had the dubious honor of being the last caller, which explains her re-emergence onto the music scene.

While the list obviously contained a who's who of evil, it also had its fair share of talentless celebrities who's now confirmed allegiances to the Prince of Lies more than explained their rise to stardom. This list included Rodney Dangerfield, Vanilla Ice, MC Hammer, Geraldo, Jay Leno, and William Shatner. It also contained a veritable A thru Z of rap artists and boy bands.

A few people were surprised with Captain Kirk's affiliation with the devil, surprise that quickly vanished once we played a few snippets from Shatner's rendition of the Beatles' classic 'Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds'.

Not in league with the devil.
Notable by their absence were Bill Clinton, Martha Stewart, and Celine Dion. When questioned about this Satan just shook his head and said "Hey man I had nothing to do with those guys, you humans are capable of inflicting more horror and suffering on each other than I could ever dream up."

This is a fact which Celine Dion has been hammering home since 1983.


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