Hapless George W. Bush Declared An Unwitting Metaphor
on 3/31/2005 (1)
Faced with relentless, spurious Liberal accusations that a dimunitive, small, unassuming man by the name of George W. Bush is responsible for all of the world's economic and environmental ills, wars, and its impending total destruction, White House historians are grappling with the dilemma of categorizing Bush as a man or as a metaphor.
|"I am keepin' a stiff upper lip, goshdangit!" |
White House historian Jeremy Boxerbom explains.
"At certain critical points of violent conflict in mankind's history, ideology among competing groups can become so blood thirsty and so hostile, that no matter who is elected the leader of a nation, they instantly become an abstract metaphor that far transcends the mere flesh and blood that they quint-essentially are. They unwittingly take on much larger than life characteristics, and become a rallying point, or an opposition point, depending on whos side you happen to be on."
Boxerbom brushed his beard and reflected professionally
"During the Clinton years, the rise of typically liberal agendas, such as radical feminism, gay rights and an unprecedented minority spawned focus on the multi-cultural makeup of America, gave rise to a strong liberal faction, the likes in scope and power as never seen before in this country. When Bush was elected by the newly simmering, frankly-frightened, Anglo-Saxon conservative majority, tensions erupted, and Bush instantly became the focal point and figure head for either violent liberal dissent, or zealous conservative revival. It's not uncommon, really. You see the same thing in boxing with the 'race card' when a black and white fighter engage in battle, each supposedly represents an entire culture, instead of just a man-on-man display of individual competitive pugilism."
Boxerbom razzled his eyebrows dangerously
"Some where, some how, this tiny little man from Texas became an unwitting conservative icon, embroiled in an ideological war for political control that extends far beyond the scope of his office, not only in America, but across the world as well. And the amazing thing is, I'm not even sure if George is aware of it. I can't help but feel that George would have been far more comfortable being President a hundred years ago in the horse and buggy days, when the most stressfull event in his term would have been dedicating a new railroad, or smashing a bottle of champagne on the side of an Ironclad. It's obvious he isn't built for the stresses or demands of a Terrorist's world, and did nothing to instigate it, let alone deserve it. Cold fact is, people just love to have someone to blame. One thing's for sure, I wouldn't want to be in his shoes for all the money or power in the world."
Back at shrub ranch in Texas, Bush was last seen debating whether mink oil or bee's wax was better for saddles and boots, and promised his wife Laura to "only wear red ties with blue suits and not visa-versa."
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