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Fat Man Affects Earth's Wobble, Geophysicists Panic
by Mark on 4/7/2005 (0) 
 | | WOW!...I can see your fat ass from up here! | | NY - The U.S. Geological Survey, in conjunction with NASA's Landsat satellite program, have detected a dangerous wobble in the earth's rotation in the general location of the eastern seaboard Wednesday. Upon closer analysis, the source of anomaly proved to be due to "A tremendous redistribution of mass, akin to putting all the clothes on one side of a spinning washing machine, sending it off kilter", according U.S.G.S scientist Lisa Adzema.
"At first we were dumbfounded, but after a painstaking collection of satellite data and super computer aided analysis, we pinpointed the anomaly to the apartment of one Egon Zigga, a Microsoft Corp telephone tech support rep/Total Farker in lower Manhattan. Mr. Zigga, like most customer support phone reps, weighs in at over 700 lbs. His great mass has caused a change in the earth's angular momentum and center of spin. We can't say for sure, but the recent spate of earthquakes...well...let's just say we can't make any comments at this point."
The U.S.G.S, in conjunction with the New York Port Authority, and the Microsoft corporation, has promised not to attempt to relocate Egon Zigga until "A detailed study is conducted, or a new phone center is set up in New Delhi, India as a counterweight."
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