Wearing A Plastic Bag On Your Head Becomes A National Fad
on 4/13/2005 (0)
From Milford, Delaware to Chula Vista, California, today's youth are all participating in a national fashion fad that has teenagers looking cool but parents very worried.
|Fashion fad or path to destruction? |
"This plastic bag makes me look cool and hides my acne," said local teen John. "All the girls will want me now that they cannot see my hideous face!"
"Behind this mask of plastic, I could be anyone," said another teen. "I could even be you!"
Parents do not share the same enthusiasm for this look as their children.
"It's a suffocation hazard, all these kids could die," said mother Susie Blue. "This is the most dangerous fad since chainsaw-juggling gained popularity in the mid 90's."
"I was going through my daughter's drawers when I found this empty Wal-Mart bag," sobbed another mother. "I knew the other kids were doing it, but I never imagined this from my own child. I expected I might find drugs, alcohol, or Republican propaganda, but this is the worst thing that could have happened."
These parents' fears are more than justified. Statistical research has shown that one out of every three people who place a plastic bag on their head for extended periods of time will die of suffocation. The other half will be afflicted by blindness and loss of appetite. And the final two thirds are likely to suffer irreversible brain damage, causing even rudimentary skills like basic fraction addition to become overly difficult.
"Live fast and leave a beautiful body with a head wrapped in plastic, that's what I always say," said Mark Feathercap, a teen clearly unafraid of these likely consequences.
"Our parents are just so closed minded," said teenager Brad West. "They forget what it's like to be young, they forget how cool it is to give in to peer pressure even when common sense is screaming otherwise."
The origins of this dangerous trend can be traced back to the small town of Pixie, Montana during one of the most horrific insect invasions of all November 2002.
"There was an unexpected bee invasion in Pixie and people did anything they could to protect themselves," said Dr. Ralph Yoshii, expert in the field of bees and their plots to overthrow humanity. "Due to the town's poverty and a shortage of protective bee-masks, many of the citizens simply covered their heads in plastic bags, which worked surprisingly well, despite a number of suffocation related deaths."
Teenagers in this area felt the look was "cool" and "hip" and continued to sport the look, even when the bee invasion ended almost two years later. Soon teenagers from other towns heard about this new fashion and adopted it in their own towns. In a matter of months, it became a national fad.
"Man, if those guys in Pixie are doing it, then it must be cool," said a Colorado teenager. "I've never been to Pixie or heard of it before, but to come up with an idea this stellar, that place must really rock and I will do everything I can to imitate them!"
Parents of Pixie and towns all across the country are trying to have the look made illegal, similar to the legislation passed in the 1980's that made it illegal to wear t-shirts for the bands Rush and Winger in public.
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