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Superman Takes Two Bounds to Leap A Tall Building
by Kris on 4/19/2005 (0)

It's a bird, it's a plane... no it's just some guy that can't even leap a building.
Metropolis - He may still be faster than a speeding bullet, and he may be more powerful than a locomotive, but a recent report from the Daily Planet tells of how it took Superman two bounds to leap a tall building.

While there was no video tape footage of the reported incident, numerous eyewitnesses reported seeing Superman leap onto the top of a smaller warehouse, catch his breath, and then make the final leap over one of the taller buildings in the city.

"It's really sad," commented Lois Lane, reporter for the Daily Planet. "Superman has done many, many great things for this city but he seems to have lost something. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen it with my own two eyes."

"I'm sure he was just really tired, probably from fighting all that crime," said Clark Kent, Daily Planet reporter and longtime friend of Superman. "It takes a lot out of a man to thwart criminals, fight super villains, and save kittens from trees... not that I would know anything personally about any of that stuff, it just sounds like something tough to do."

Superman's arch nemesis, Lex Luthor, shed his own special breed of light onto this situation.

"Blue Boy here is too much of a workaholic, a good guy 24 hours a day," commented Luthor. "Stop and smell the roses sometime. Relax once in a while, take a vacation, stay home and watch some TV. You're gonna be burnt out by the time you're 35 at this rate."

While initially it may appear that this is a sign that Superman is becoming weaker, it may actually just be a reflection of the increasing height of skyscrapers in Metropolis.

"The average height of skyscrapers has nearly doubled in the past fifteen years," said Metropolis City Construction foreman Nathan Simmons. "When the phrase 'able to leap tall buildings in a single bound' was initially coined years ago, it was a much easier feat to accomplish."

Even if this is truly the case, the fact that it now takes two bounds for Superman to leap a tall building has citizens worried and super criminals ecstatic.

"It's not that he can't leap a building that worries me, it's what he won't be able to do next," said one frightened citizen. "What if Brainiac returns in the body of Doomsday or Lex Luthor has another of his now patented diabolical plots, will he be able to stop them?!?"

"It's a good day for all super villains," said a smiling Luthor.


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