Ratzenberger Named Pope Clavius I
on 4/22/2005 (0)
ROME - In a entirely unforseen shocker decision, former "Cheers" star John Ratzenberger, a.k.a Cliff Clavin, was appointed to the top clerical seat in Rome Monday.
|Hey! Sammy, Norm, Carla! I'm a Pope! |
Seizing a squealing microphone before deafening throngs of hundreds of thousands of faithful, His Holiness, known as Clavius I, addressed his new enraptured dominion
"Hey...glad to be here! I've got a little feedback on this mike...did you know that microphone feedback occurs when the level on a microphone causes it to pick up sound from the speakers and generate a loop, and then the speakers feed sound into the microphone which in turn supplies sound...
Gently tugging on Pope Ratzenberger's robe, Vatican spokesman Joaquin Navarro-Valls suppressed a tortured grimace
"Oh...yeah...back to the issue at hand, well, all I can say is that I'm darn glad to be the new Pope, and I promise to serve with the utmost respect and dedication. I was never a priest, but I was a postman, you know. Well, as I see it, being a postman is like being a Pope of sorts...those letters were like bibles to me. Getting those letters delivered was just like giving communion. Do you know how many little old ladies sit out there anxiously awaiting their next Publishers Clearing House contest letter? And how many poor kids wait for a letter from Santa every Christmas? Golly, it just makes a grown man get all teary...*sniff*...I-I gotta stop."
The Vatican candidly admits that Clavius I is a short term pope, and the fact that Ratzenberger is single and lives at home with his mother was a powerful contributing factor."0" sty0" style
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