The War on Literacy
on 9/24/2002 (2)
Enough is enough, one can only sit by so long before action must be taken. Each day, I watch dozens of people go blind from reading or even worse die in freak, horrible library accidents involving collapsing bookshelves, insane librarians, escaped gorillas, and huge book-related explosions. In America each year, sixteen people die from library related injuries and nearly four people go blind. These numbers are not an exaggeration and are enough to shock any self conscience person. And this is only here in the States... worldwide, these numbers are nearly double. That means that reading kills or permanently injures nearly as many people as car accidents, cancer, the Ebola virus, and slip & fall accidents combined!
These are the facts and there is no escaping their evil grasp, as much as we would like to deny them, it cannot be done. Books, reading, and literacy in general have left many a life in shambles. Yet some people may still not see the terrible power that books have over us all. That is why we've amassed a number of comments from real people explaining just how big a mess literacy has made of their otherwise ordinary lives.
"My mom used to go to the library every day. She dearly loved to read. Now, she is no longer with us," spoke one heartbroken teen. "She left with some dude she met at the library. I will never forgive books for taking my mother away."
"I used to read in the way back times. Then my vision got bad and my knees got arthritis. I will never forgive books for doing this to me. Why did you do this to me? Why damn it why, all I wanted was to escape away from my hellhound of a wife. Now I can't even go to see my grandson at his little league games and I'm stuck sitting at home with that bitch. I wish God would just strike me down."
"I was trying to read this book once. It was a pretty good one, and that's the problem. It was addicting, like crack/cocaine or America's Funniest Carjackings. I couldn't put it down for the life of me... and that's almost what it took. I lost control of my vehicle and rolled over six times before coming to a stop on top of some cub scouts. That day, reading ended six lives and almost took my life as well. I haven't read since, I've been clean for nearly four days."
These stories will chill the average person to the bone and leave them in a state of dread and disbelief. These stories weren’t went to upset you, they were meant to educate you on just what literacy is capable of. Unfortunately, this isn't where the power of literacy ends. Here is a list of notorious people from across the ages who themselves read.
Adolph Hitler These names are perhaps five of the most notorious names ever spoken. These people all have performed unspeakable deeds so terrible and unspeakable that we won't speak about them here. Obviously if these people, all of whom are considered some of the worst people to have ever existed, would read then vicariously reading is equally as terrible if not more so.
Osama Bin Laden
Now that you know the facts and have heard the stories, I propose that action be taken immediately to stop this deadly threat. It is not the time to sit idly by. Nearly fifteen people read each day, without knowing its deadly consequences. Six or seven people have died while you read this editorial. That is how deadly literacy truly is. I encourage you to write your congressmen and tell them "Books are bad." Tell your friends, your enemies, your loved ones, and your pet goat of this deadly threat. Destroy all books and book memorabilia in your home and in other's homes. All books must be eliminated worldwide, preferably burned in large bonfires as scantly clad women dance around the fire and chant "What chu talk'n about Willis" and other famous television quotes from the 70s and 80s. All libraries and other such houses of Satan must be brought to the groun
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