Dean Presents Democratic Party's New Strategy
Washington – With mounting losses that include last November's Presidential defeat and public embarrassments over party fragmentation in the House and Senate, it would be fair to say that the state of the "people's party" is at best questionable. With that in mind senior party officials gathered in the nation's capitol over the weekend to draw up an entirely new strategy.
|"Look at my bracelet everyone, it's shiny!" |
"The old way of doing this is out," says leading 'New Democratic' voice Hilary Rodham Clinton.
Indeed, with the election of Howard Dean to the top Party position, the Democrats are poised to become the aggressors as preparations for the next round of mid-term elections, and more importantly the 2008 Presidential Campaign, begin.
"The 'new way' means many things to many people." Dean said in a speech during a recent fundraiser. "Personally I am not happy promising people things that we all know we can't give them. The Democratic Party should cease pandering to special interest groups and gain back the respect that we once had among the American people."
Dean pointed to the rise of Neo-Conservatism and the mystique that surround the Republican Party at the moment. "They have a lot of momentum at the moment, but with their over-exuberance in issues like tax cuts and the war in Iraq the public is staring to think that maybe these guys aren't so great."
The former governor of Vermont outlined a plan to win back the moderates and additionally secure a strong base among recently disenfranchised Conservatives. "Gold bracelets will be the key," Dean told the stunned audience. "No seriously people, think about it. Alright, follow me here; Gold bracelets mean so many things to so many people. Its like, 'hey, is that guy wearing a gold chain? He must be pretty cool and rich.' I mean, am I right or am I right?"
Arriving in Washington in the wake of these statements many top Democrats distanced themselves from the comments, and quickly to point out that this did not signal a split from the newly united Party front. Several politicians spoke out on the Dean comments, although they did so under the condition that the statements remain anonymous. "At first I thought he meant something like a solidarity symbol, but I think he really just wants this to be a status thing."
Another aide to a top-ranking Congressman called the whole thing a scam. "It smells fishy to me. Everyone knows Dean's been pushing gold on people for years now. I think he's got something to gain from all of this." He continued, "Besides, could you ever see Ted (Kennedy) putting on something like that? It would totally clash with his pimp chains."
For his part Dean made a brief stop to talk to members of the media on the way into the weekend session. "I stand by my assertion that the Democratic Party needs a little shaking-up. We've been static for far too long and I think these little gold bracelets are just the thing. They make us look official, like we've got all of the answers."
Shortly before ducking into the Hilton Convention Center Dean unbuttoned his shirt's cuff to unveil what he apparently believes will be the key to his Party's rebirth. "Who's got the goods now? Yeah!" he<
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