One Minute Of Truth With A Liberal Part 2
on 6/20/2005 (22)
In a rare, candid, unplugged interview with famed liberal activist C.Norman Krappwell, Krappwell has agreed to tell the truth to any questions asked to him for exactly one minute.
Smooth Operator: "Hello, Mr. Krappwell. Good to have you back. Are you good to go?"
Krappwell: "Uh, yeah...lets do it."
Smooth Operator: "A lot of attention was drawn to same sex marriages in the 2004 election, and were seen by many as the death knell of the Democratic party's chances of beating Bush. Is this true?"
Krappwell: (laughs) "Uh, big yes. We fucked up. Let me explain something to you, and I'm not even sure I can explain it to myself, so bear with me...do you remember your freshman year in college, when you would join activist groups bent on saving mankind from himself, and saying and doing things that made you feel uncomfortable just for the sake of saying and doing things that made you feel uncomfortable? That's what higher education is all about, right? Doing things that are unpopular...not necessarily because they are more just...just because they make people feel uncomfortable. Well, that sums up what being liberal is all about. We never lost that freshman masochism. We strive to keep it alive because we have fooled ourselves into thinking it makes us higher minded and more enlightened than everyone else. Of course that is bullshit, and sometimes we're so full of ourselves we don't even see it, either.
Same sex marriages will never be accepted because the notion is morally repugnant to the human psyche, except, perhaps, to those involved in one. Let me hammer this home to you: We supported same sex marriage because we want to show we are more tolerant than the rest of you are...Why? It shows we are more progressive, and frankly, just plain smarter than you. I loath the notion of same sex marriages, it makes my skin crawl, but remembering back to the freshman masochism thing? How can you get more masochistic than backing gay marriages? We just did it to show we're better than everyone else, and we overplayed our hand. We fucked up big time."
Smooth Operator: "Wow...I suppose you feel the same way on racial issues too, then?"
Krappwell: "Uh, yeah. We carry on about standardized testing and how genetic testing proves racism is myth, and we accept and violently defend unpopular racial notions of all types, including interracial relationships, to the extent of losing family and friends in doing so. Of course that's pure self-delusional bullshit...the purest kind. Let me explain to you how racism works: First you need an underdog. I'm not the underdog, because I'm white, see? But I need someone to root for, to once again show that I have a higher moral caliber and am more evolved and better than anyone else. And it can play out. It can work. No one can deny that racism is an evil, but the quintessence in the absurdity is that anyone on the planet is above it, and of course no living soul is...no one, and anyone who tells you so is a phony and a liar, although they themselves might be brainwashed enough not to see it...to be blind to it. Saying you've progressed beyond racism is like saying you've progressed beyond eating and farting. But make no mistake, we're as big a racist as any Klan member, and we have no intention, ever, of handing this country over to minorities, ever, including yours truly."
Smooth Operator: "Wow...Wow again. Well, we need to wrap this up...tell me on last thing: When you mention high minded idealism as being the foundation of the Liberal party, do you think it is basically well intended, or tainted with ego from the get go?"
Krappwell: "I could answer that in 1 second with one word, but I won't. I appreciate my minute with you. Thanks again.
Smooth Operator: "Thank you."
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