Pacman Fever Outbreak Successfully Contained
on 6/27/2005 (0)
It had been over twenty years since the last reported outbreak of Pacman Fever occurred and decimated the town of North Henry, Indiana, killing over fifty people and leaving hundreds of others in a constant state of Pacman Fanaticism. This past week a new wave of Pacman Fever washed into the small town of Johnson, Iowa and has threatened to bring about the same results.
|Beware the Pacman! |
Pacman Fever is a debilitating virus that attacks the human brain. The affects of Pacman Fever are often uncontrollable twitching, increased anxiety, and an elevated appetite for fruits, especially cherries, strawberries, and what appear to be oranges but may in fact be peaches. In some extreme cases, Pacman Fever may also cause it's victims to believe they are a tiny circle shaped yellow man being chased by multiple ghosts of varying color inside of a pixilated blue maze.
Johnson County Hospital began receiving calls about the Pacman Fever outbreak early on Wednesday morning.
"We had a number of people calling in saying they couldn't stop twitching and a few that were delusional," said nurse Jenny Wilcox. "One man even had to have his stomach pumped because he ate six boxes of Corn Pops in a single sitting."
"Must eat fruit to get high score, must avoid Blinky, Pinky, Inky, and Clyde," mumbled one infected man before collapsing on to the ground where he was later stepped on by many inconsiderate doctors.
Early diagnosis of walk-in patients quickly revealed what the Hospital feared most.
"Judging from the dilated eyes, the constant twitching, and the fact that the hospital cafeteria quickly ran out of fruit was a sure sign that we were experiencing an outbreak of the dreaded Pacman Fever," said Dr. Nathan Ross. "We new this was too big for us to handle on our own, we had to contact the CDC."
The Center for Disease Control was contacted Wednesday at approximately 7:30 PM. With help from forces mobilized from the nearby Aaron Burr Army Base, a firm perimeter around Johnson was established, allowing no one in or out of the city.
"It was imperative that no one leaves the area," said Ryan Feldman, CDC Emergency Coordinator for this operation. "If someone were to get out and infect the neighboring towns, this small outbreak could quickly have escalated into a nationwide epidemic with over double the casualties of the Disco Fever that ran rampart in the 1970's."
By now, well over half of the citizens in town had become infected with Pacman Fever. The only hope to save the infected was to develop a cure from the source that created the Pacman Fever.
"By using scientific methods that are very difficult to explain and even harder to understand, we can take the source of the epidemic and from it create a cure," said Feldman. "Initially we had searchers looking for a monkey, as these sort of outbreaks are almost always caused by a monkey."