Man In Glass House Throws Stone, Causes Thousands In Property Damage
on 7/5/2005 (10)
After over ten thousand dollars worth of property damage to his home, Texas resident George Herman finally learned the truth behind the age old saying "he who lives in a glass houses shouldn't throw stones." This all came about when he tossed a stone, which he had ironically named Smashy, into a wall during a fit of anger.
|This isn't going to be pretty... |
"That stone was like an unstoppable wrecking ball of chaos, a demolition derby of granite and sand, a tidal wave of pure anarchy," said Herman. "It was the destructive equivalent of Sylvester Stallone in Rambo and Robocop in Robocop 2 all rolled into one."
While watching a recent NBA playoff game, Herman became enraged when one of the referees made a call against the San Antonio Spurs, the team he has rooted for his entire life.
"Offensive foul my ass," screamed Herman at his television. "The defender's feet were clearly still moving!"
Herman grabbed a softball sized stone he had been using as a bookend and, drawing on his experience as a high school hardball pitcher, threw the stone with all the might of a washed up baseball player who was good enough to go pro but had his career ruined by the fact that he was only moderately better at baseball than your average ten year old girl.
The stone smashed through two of Herman's walls, then crashed through the floor before coming to a rest on the couch in the first floor living room. The added weight of the stone caused the couch to fall through the floor and into the basement.
"We see these things all the time," said John Liebert, foreman for Steve's Glass House Construction, LLC (SGHC). "When people move into our glass homes, we always advice them to remove any objects that could be thrown in a violent fit of anger due to what was clearly a poor call by some dumbass referee."
SGHC has estimated the damaged will cost $12,302 to repair and take the better part of two weeks. This includes the cost of replacement glass and sandwiches for the workers, because as Liebert often claims "you can't build a glass house on an empty stomach".
"You see this happen to other people who live in glass houses, but you never think it will happen to you," said a reflective Herman. "A half second of poor judgment cost me a couple months worth of pay."
This is not the first bad luck Herman has had since moving into his glass house four years ago. He has twelve times been ticketed for indecent exposure and was recently arrested for growing marijuana in his home. He will be in court for this later charge next month. The marijuana was discovered when everyone going by his home could see that he was growing pot.
"He lives in a glass house, it really wasn't hard to spot," said police officer Teddy Shell. "Especially when he was growing it on the outside wall nearest to the street."
"That's where the best light was," explained Herman at his pretrial hearing.
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