Nerd Buys New Corvette, Still Can't Get a Date
on 7/15/2005 (1)
After living in his parents' basement for years and saving every penny he had made, 29 year old social outcast Marty Jackson was ready to follow his dream by opening his own comic book store. But before he could do that, new car salesman Jerome Peterson convinced him that buying a brand new Corvette was a better idea.
|Stil dateless after 29 years. |
"Jerome told me that if I bought this car, I would have all the women I could handle," said Marty. "I've never had a woman, or even a date, so naturally this sounded like a great deal. But three months later, I still haven't gotten a single date."
Later, Marty reluctantly admitted he had once gone on a date many years ago.
"I went to my Senior prom with a girl that my Mom had set me up with," said a somewhat ashamed Marty. "She turned out to be 34 years old with three kids, which she also brought with. Worse still, I ended up watching her kids all night after she ran off with one of the football players."
Now flat broke and still dateless, Marty is seeking to return the Corvette. These attempts that have been met with considerable resistance from the GM dealer he purchased it from.
"Jerome flat out lied to me," said Marty. "He promised me women if I got this car, but I'm no better off now than I was driving 1984 Volkswagen Rabbit. So I just want my money back so I can go back to opening a comic book store."
"I promise people all kinds of crazy things," said Jerome. "I tell people these cars will get them women, get them ahead in the workplace, or that they will make them famous. Whatever it takes to sell them, but you can't hold me to any of these claims. No where in the written contract does it say the car will get you women."
"Once you sign the papers and drive off the lot, the car is yours," said Smooth Operator lawyer Defacto McLaw. "Sadly there is no legal recourse for Mr. Jackson. The car is his, end of story. GM has no obligation to take it back."
The reason for Marty's datelessness cannot totally be attributed to the car, as much of Marty's behavior while driving has turned away potential suitors.
"The car is sweet," said one of Marty's co-workers from the local IGA. "But no girl wants to go out with a guy who's idea of a good time is a couple twelve sided dice, some notepads, and a bucket of chicken wings."
"I almost flagged him down when I saw the car, but then I saw the driver," said one local single. "He was wearing a Darth Vader t-shirt, drenched in sweat, and he was holding a small turkey in one hand, which he was eating as he drove. It was absolutely disgusting."
Marty's mother, Mrs. Jackson, still feels that the car could prove beneficial to Marty if he just gives it more time and perhaps saves his eating for the dinner table.
"Marty's father was a total dweeb but he still landed me," admits Mrs. Jackson, who was head cheerleader and Prom Queen during her high school days. "Pants over his belly button, thick glasses, a passion for playing accordion. That's my husband for you. I knew him for years and couldn't stand him, until he got that sweet 1969 Trans-Am. We were married within a year. If Marty just gives it some time, he'll find a nice shallow girl that w
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