Four more for Gore
on 10/4/2002 (0)
It is only 2002 and already the next US Presidential campaign is heating up. From all indications, we will be seeing a repeat of the 2000 election as Al Gore will attempt to dethrone George W. Bush. After his tough defeat only a few years ago, one may wonder what sort of spirits the former Vice President is in. "He's doing great" says one source close to Gore who choose to remain nameless for fear of publicly being associated with the Democratic Party. "Rather than let him front the emotional loss to President Bush, we instead created a fantasy world where Gore won the election. We called this Project: Tito Jackson."
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"The plan was rather ingenious" commented another unnamed source about Project: TJ. "We simply whisked him away before hearing the results and told him that he won. He's very gullible. For the first year and a half, it was easy. We kept him locked in the basement of a Pizza Hut where he played the game Risk and instructed us on his plans to have Martians removed from Nevada and to keep Family Guy on the air. But after a year, things become more difficult. Gore tired of his basement and said it was time to go out and meet his people. We assured him that since he had a 100% approval rating, no such meetings were necessary. But he insisted, so we had to move on to phase two."
"We thought that maybe if Al (Gore) had a Super Nintendo, he would never want to leave the room," commented another source. "The first few weeks were great. Gore was very proud of Goreslvania, which he constructed in SimCity. He said it was the next evolution in cities, powered entirely by sixteen nuclear power plants. His first attempt at a city, GoreGoreGoreGore, had been destroyed by an unfortunate alien attack. He also bragged about how he later put an end to this very same terrible alien menace in Super Contra and even rescued Princess Zelda from the clutched of Gannon. Unfortunately, we had no idea that King Koopa would anger Gore so much."
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"That King Koopa is one bad guy," commented Gore. "He is like all the Hitlers, Stalins, and Celine Deons combined in a terrible cocktail of evil. He is an infection to the Dinosaur Island. His treatment of Princess Peach is inexcusable. His rein of terror needs to be ended at all costs. If he isn't stopped here, it is likely that the US will be next. I don't know about you all, but I don't want to have to raise my children in a world full of bottomless pits and flying turtles."
"Once Gore began his War on Koopa campaign, he no longer would agree to staying in the basement, which we told him was Maine. We considered doing a mock up town like in the movie The Truman Show, but after seeing it's dismal display at the box office, we decided it wouldn't work out. Next we considered letting Gore know the truth, but we didn't really think that we could convince him that he was not the President, especially after we had the President Gore t-shirts made. Finally, we opted for something more drastic"
"I love these rafts," commented Al Gore from high atop his new local somewhere in the Atlantic ocean
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