Violent Crime Down, Crime Dog McGruff Let Go
Arlington, VA – Children all around the United States were saddened to hear the news that McGruff “The Crime Dog” had been let go in a cost-cutting measure by his employer The National Crime Prevention Council (NCPC).
|McGruff as he is escorted off of the National Crime Prevention Council premises. |
Citing a drop in crime of almost 50% in the last decade and 28% in the last year alone the council could not justify keeping McGruff on. “Congress cut our budget this year, something about needing more funds for bullets and missiles or something,” said NCPC president Alfonso E. Lenhardt. “We really hated to cut McGruff, what with his 25th birthday coming up and all, but it was either that or get rid of my limo service.”
Critics of the decision point out that McGruff has done so much good in his quarter-century for a relatively small amount of money. “The government wastes money every day on stupid projects like drilling for oil on the moon, and yet they cut this poor dog,” inquires Citizens Against Government Waste chairman Jack Anderson, himself a watchdog. “Really, I mean what does he cost? I feed my dog on ten dollars a month. Add in flea drops, a water bowl, and for McGruff a trench coat once every few years, and we are talking about a drop in the bucket.”
McGruff had many political allies who voiced their support for the aging hound. Among them was Rainbow Coalition chief Jessie Jackson. “I told that dog that he was doing his job too well,” said Jackson from his office in Washington D.C. “I said ‘Dog, crime is down across the board. When they come for your job you won’t have a good economy to blame. Look at me, do you think I want to see black people getting along with society in general? I’m out on the street if I can’t march on something and I highly doubt anyone is looking for a middle-aged guilt trip artist.”
Job prospects for the one-time crime fighter look slim. A hip injury in the line of service seven years ago makes a job at the dog track out of question. Most suspect that McGruff will take a job in the security industry, likely with a private entity guarding houses and giving trouble to illegal alien law service workers.
Whatever the role it is safe to say that he will be missed.0"<
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